Today is my last day in Auburn and that is a weird feeling to say the least. I leave for Atlanta later today to start my 11 month journey. I think that I have everything I need in the backpacks below, but who really knows.
I’ve gotten a lot of questions about how I feel about leaving and it’s a weird feeling to describe.
I’m extremely excited about my journey and definitely know without a doubt that this is what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. The Lord has given me a lot of peace confirming this for me. At the same time though, I have this weird anxious feeling and I think this is because I have absolutely no idea what to expect. The more people I tell about the trip the more I realize how little I know about what the next year is going to look like. I’ve been abroad and traveled but never to these countries, for this long, on a mission trip, or with such a tight knit community, etc. This list could go on.
There’s not really much preparation that I can do for this and I hate that. For the majority of my life I’ve been able plan for most situations or at least know how to approach them. I don’t really know how to plan for this. I don’t know how to say bye to people for so long or thank all of the people that have loved and supported me throughout my life and I hate that.
Not knowing how to act coupled with thinking about all of the unknowns (and there’s still a lot of unknowns) has caused the panic and worry start to set in. I usually repeat to myself, Ekow are you really about to do this????
One of the most recent times, I felt similar emotions to what I’m feeling now was at training camp. First in just physically going to training not knowing what to expect or who the people would be like. The second time was also a training camp when I was asked to be a team leader for Team Chainless.
I did not want to be a team leader. I felt totally inadequate for the role and thought I would be much better without the responsibility. Even though a lot of people spoke encouraging words to me letting me know that believed I would do well in the role I still was not fully on board.
During one of the mornings when I was still not thrilled with the idea of leading a team, I decided to read from Joshua. I hadn’t been reading from there at all previously during the week but felt led to read there that particular day. Not very far into the reading, I stopped at the verse below:
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. – Joshua 1:9
After reading that verse above I immediately started laughing. How is it that the Lord is so good at speaking to me at exactly the place I need. I forget a lot of times that He loves me and Oh yeah He knows me intimately. Right now as all these thoughts of worry, nervousness, and concern are creeping in my head, this verse is coming back to me comforting and assuring me that I have nothing fear and nothing to be anxious about. The Lord is always with me and the only way that I’m going to make it through is to depend on the Lord and not myself. I’m pretty sure I’ll repeat this verse almost every day in the coming days and month!
I don’t know if there is anything going on in your life right now that may be causing you to stress out or worry. The one thing I’m starting to really understand though is the Lord is good and always with us. We do not have to fear or stress over anything because of that and that is an awesome feeling!
I’m going to miss you all very much: family, friends, coworkers, and church family. Everyone has been so amazing to me and I’m so very thankful for each and every one of you.
That said I am excited to see what the Lord has in store for me and I’m now ready to set out.
