For the past two weeks, a million thoughts, and emotions have really been overtaking me as I have been stuck on one particular story from the Bible. The story of the Samaritan woman or in some other translations would say the woman at the well, really struck something within me.
To summarize, it is a story about a woman who is going to a well to draw water for herself, and happens to have an encounter with Jesus who asks her for some water. to shed some light on that a little bit, Jews did not associate with Samaritans because they viewed them as dirty, unclean, to sinful and impure. It would only be natural for the woman to ask why on earth would Jesus ask her that or even talk to her. As they continue their conversation Jesus mentions to her that “If she only knew what a wonderful gift God has for her and who he was, she would ask him for living water.” This was just one of the verses that stood out to me, and I will come back to that. Later on as she asks for this water, He tells her to go and get her husband, which she replies, “I have no husband.” Jesus affirms her by saying ” very true, for you have had five husbands and the one you are with now, you are not married to.” And there it is, the verse that really stood out to me and was the climax of the story.
This woman who was already viewed by others as an outcast, unclean, dirty, sinful, impure, so on and so on, was just told by Jesus, who to her was a complete stranger about her dirty laundry. I could only imagine the shame and guilt this woman must have felt, as her sins were spilled out and brought into the light, where she saw it for what it was. It makes sense that she would immediately change the subject to take the focus off of her sins and focus it on something else. In the end, Jesus reveals to her that He is the Messiah and this woman goes into her village to let others know of who he is and her encounter with him.
The reason why this story was so meaningful to me, captured my thoughts, and sticks with me, is because even now, I relate to this woman. Though people do not despise me and want nothing to do with me, I am still viewed in that way, not by anyone else, but rather by me myself. My dirty laundry laid out before me, that I believe God is leading me to bring into the light, has been a burden and a struggle as I, like this woman, want to change the subject to have the shift off of me. It is hard to write and admit, but Jesus already knows about my deep anxiety, my need to prove myself, my addiction to pornography, the times long ago when I had suicidal thoughts and an attempt. The need for attention, and the worst one of all, the feelings of same sex attraction. There it is. Like this woman, all laid out before me, bare for not just me to see it but for it to be brought into the light before God, and his purposes. As many emotions surge through me in this moment, I hear that whisper Jesus spoke. “If you only knew what a wonderful Gift God has for you, and who I was you would ask me for living water.”
What is this gift? It is eternal life and salvation. For me though, it is the realization for my to receive the gift of forgiveness of myself and love. Though I do not understand fully why God would choose me to save, to dwell in, and to carry out his purposes, I accept it, even though i want so badly to understand it. I still cannot understand why, as a believer and follower of God, i still struggle with these things. Shouldn’t I be over this?
The only thing I can do, is know of the grace and salvation that has been extended to me that causes me to share it with others, just like this woman. To realize that God in his mercy and grace desires me and loves me so much that he freely gives this to anyone who would receive it, means more than I will ever understand. But I am left to ask this one question:
How Can It Be?
