As most of you have seen through social media or personally, I am home early from The World Race. A lot of you have questions as to why I chose to come home early and not stay for the last three months and I have answers. As plainly and simply as God put it to me, I am going to put it to you all.
As we were at a time of restoration in Thailand, God began to push me to more freedom in Him. I was all for it and wanted nothing more and so I said yes to this freedom and dove right in. With freedom there has to be some things that need to be released and some of those things were very hard to deal with and my last month in Malaysia was very draining and difficult. Y’all, I was drained emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. In every way I was just tired. Some have asked, “why couldn’t you just push through and endure those last three months”. That’s a beautiful question that I wrestled with God over so many times during prayer.
Then I just stopped trying to ask God for direction and answers and just prayed for peace.
My favorite image of God and myself has never left me in this difficult time. When you take a child to a playground, the child rarely asks what they can do first. They just go. They play and have a crazy, wonderful time. Well my Father and I were standing in front of this huge playground of His will and I am begging him to tell me what to do first.
“God should I go down the slide… no wait, the monkey bars… or the swings. Yeah, the swings. No? God what should I do first?”
No reply. Do you know what screamed at me the loudest though? His peace. It was always there I just wasn’t looking for it. My Father smiles and looks down on me and says, “Go down the slide if that’s what you want to do, Swing on the swings, or even do the monkey bars but don’t forget me.” Don’t forget Me. In that moment I had to believe that God loved me and wanted best for me. I chose to come home and His peace has never left me. Some of you won’t understand that and it sounds ludicrous but that’s all I have to go on. God’s peace.
Please hear this when I say I do not feel any shame nor regret in this decision. Along with leaving the World Race early there comes a certain shame. If you have put Jesus first in any decision you’ve made then there should be no more shame. With this being one of the hardest choices I’ve ever had to make, that concept of no shame was hard to grasp. I came on this crazy adventure for my relationship with Jesus and a lot of you supported me in many ways but I ultimately answer to Jesus and He loves me through this! I’ve learned on the World Race that men’s approval gets me nowhere. The only things that matters is the approval of God. That, and His peace is what I’m resting in and how I can go from day to day.
As I have rested these few weeks and transitioned back into this crazy place called America. I began to think my World Race was finished, but at 3:30am God gave me an awesome revelation and I’m going with it!
I am going back on the mission field.
My World Race is not over. No, I’m not joining my squad mates in Central America, but I’m finishing these last two months in the great US of A. Here’s a little nugget for y’all. The end of Matthew 28 tells me to go make disciples in every nation, so here I am in a nation and I’m about to go out and make some disciples in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The best part of that chapter is the last verse. Jesus tells me that He is with me always… even to the end.
So here’s to trusting Jesus again and not knowing what this next chapter holds. Here’s to making some disciples and changing the world through my Savior Jesus Christ. Here’s to finishing my World Race strong!
