So Africa has been something else. Being away has been something else. Finally being in a state of full uncomfortableness has been something else.
This is what I said I wanted or atleast I thought
I said I wanted to be afraid so I can have faith and depend on The Lord. It hit me our first night at our ministry host’s house he provide for us. We had just found out one of our teammates is leaving the race because she has somethings to take care of at home that are very pressing and this journey is not for her.
I wasn’t terribly upset about her leaving because her reason was good but it elected every emotion in me. It made me think about how I can’t leave and the commitment I made to your reading this and The Lord.
Fear, sadness, homesickness (first time truly feeling that), and uncomfortableness all hit me and put me into a mess and an anxiety/panic attack set in. I got out my bed and sat outside trying to calm myself down. It wasn’t working. Some how I forgot I am a verbal processor and just sat there waiting for something or someone to come out of their room. I prayed for clarify and then I called one my team mates over when I saw them.
They were taken back at first but were there to comfort me. They spoke life into and told me scripture. I began to voice what was going on and I got calmer.
The Lord wants me to grow into things here in SA and the rest of this trip. He wants me to realize he is enough for me. Despite my doubts and worries he wants me to grow closer and more in tune with what he wants of me.
The thing I wanted to happen happened and I was a mess.
I tried to scramble and do what I could but it wasn’t enough.
For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we may do them. Ephesians 2:10 NET
This is what he wants from me as his child. To stop worrying about what is to come and what I left behind. I get to grow with him and to bring others to the same love that I get from The God of The Universe.
So yeah it’s hard knowing anything familiar is 11 months away. It’s really hard actually. But on Monday I got to meet with the Heads of the High School here and will get an opportunity to share my life and story with people here. This is great for me since I have so much experience with high school students. I believe this is one way/sign that The Lord is blessing me. I’m totally out of my comfort zone and he chooses to give me and opportunity to be at home essentially.
He is great and continues to renew my heart for him and his people. I hope you can see that for yourself. He loves you deeply and wants an even deeper relationship with you. He knows the number of hairs on your head and wants you to know him.
May grace and peace follow you today. Be living in the spirit of his mercy and love and brush off what the world wants and embrace him today.
-Dylan Douglas
