… and that’s exactly what I did. I began to act out.
I don’t think it’s necessary to go into great detail, but I did something’s I wasn’t proud of. Things that given the chance to do over, would have never happened.
Praise God for freedom and for forgiveness, though, because He broke that shame and guilt and bondage off of me and made me new! It took me many years to accept that and grasp it though. It's something that each day I'm still learning about.
Being involved in those things didn’t take me anywhere good. It hurt me in so many ways and caused me a lot of heart and headache. And the crazy thing is, once you start getting into those things, you become so addicted, so quickly, that before you realize it, you’ve lost control.
It’s a scary scary feeling when you get to that point.
It wasn’t until recently that finally hit rock bottom and that’s when I began to look up.
I felt lifeless. I felt empty. I felt hopeless. All these things that I’d been seeking out to bring me life and pleasure, didn’t give me any of that, and only made me more insecure. It was bringing death to me, and the terrifying thing is, I had no idea it was happening.
– John 10:10
And to beat it all, I felt like no more of a man than before. Actually, I felt like trash. You know what I’m talking about. I’m sure you’ve been there at some point. I realized that those things didn’t give me what I wanted. They only gave me my unrealistic expectations.
One of the most difficult pills to swallow… By looking at that stuff, first of all that means we're helping support it, and secondly, we become more concerned and focused on our own needs and wants, and forget that those people we are watching on the computer screen, more than likely don't know the Lord and are gonna bust Hell wide open. We'd rather keep on looking and find our own fulfillment, than to pray for their hearts to be changed and to know the Lord…
You see, all that stuff promises abundance and life, but it gave me and will give you none of what it promises. It can’t! There is no joy or life to be found in that stuff, because it didn’t give it to you in the first place. Only Jesus did that!
Things like pornography can only steal your joy when you choose into those things and allow it to. You’re the only one that controls what takes your joy from you! God gave it to you, but you have the choice what to do with it.
So there I found myself searching for my affirmation in those things. Expecting great things that would never come. Time and time again.
I began looking at that stuff, like I said before, because someone I looked up to was involved in that stuff. I yearned so badly to be like him and be “a man” like him. Truth is, it's hard to learn to become a true man, from somebody who doesn’t know THE MAN.
That’s one reason it’s so important for as parents, older siblings, friends, etc. to exemplify Christ. Whether you know it or not, people are looking up to you.
Let me say this before I go any further to make something clear. Since all this, I have spoken with this friend and there has been restoration and forgiveness. I just want to put that out there because there is no grudge or hard feelings. Cool thing was, I was able to really encourage that person to pursue after different things. Things would bring life.
TO BE CONTINUED…
