Change on the world race is a normal thing.
We change countries, continents, teams, cultures, roles, ministries, etc. all the time on the field and this month we entered into a new season of CHANGE.
All of those things and more have changed within a few short days of my journey and at first it was rough. Change can be messy, confusing, and hard to swallow and I let these emotions take the drivers seat of my attitude. I let my anxieties become my realities and was consumed by how uncomfortable I felt. But then God reminded me of my life last year. He reminded me that this is what I had prayed for, I begged him for change.
I used to sit on my couch and daydream about the experiences that I could have in my life. I wanted my life to be like an epic movie filled with adventure and crazy stories that I could share with others and tell my kids someday. I watched movie after movie and read a ridiculous amount of books searching for an outlet that would consume my whole life and pacify the desire to do something DIFFERENT. I felt the need to get away, I felt the call to GO, I had the itch for CHANGE.
This is what I had prayed for.
(Lumos, my new team.)
Now I am not the one sitting at home dreaming about what could be, but I am the one who is in India walking down the streets avoiding crazy colored rickshaws as they blare their horns at me. I am the one eating with my hands embracing a culture that is not my own. I am the one waving to smiling children in the street as they persistently ask me my name.
I am the one living in a room that is smaller than my old apartment with 13 other women where 5 tents are set up and backpacks and belongings are scattered carelessly everywhere. I am the one who asked the Lord to teach me how to be vulnerable and live with people who are different than myself.
I am the one holding, loving, and speaking life into the children who were abandoned because of handicaps or disabilities that they could not control.
I am the one who asked God to totally wreck my world, flip it upside down in order to grow and transform my heart all for the sake of his name.
Yes, sometimes I miss home. I miss Starbucks. I miss salads and going out with my friends on a Friday night. I miss my church and the community I had at home.
But I am not the one sitting, waiting, and wishing that I could be living a life of adventure that is bigger than myself. That’s what this year is about. That’s what my heart cries out for.
So if some change of my team, change of food, country or ministry feels too hard for me, I remind myself that this is what I want. Adventure and real, honest growth comes with change.
Finally I am the one truly living.
