Anyone who has spent time with me is well aware that I have very few problems making conversation. Some would say communication is a strength of mine. In fact, StrengthsFinder did and I have sought to grow in my ability of painting a story with my words ever since. But that’s beside the point.
The point is I like to talk. I like to be heard.
All throughout grade school my parents were constantly getting notices from my teachers about how I was causing disruptions in class by chatting it up with anyone who sat next to me. In sports I would always have to run laps for not shutting my mouth. I love to talk, I love to interact, I love to communicate. This isn’t something new.
But on the race I realized it’s hard for me to talk with God. At home, I commuted a lot during college going to and from my internships, home, school, church, etc. A habit I developed during those last 3 ½ years was to verbally have a conversation with God.
If my day was good, the conversation was more upbeat and I was smiling, neighboring cars would think I was singing along with the radio. When I was anxious, confused, or upset I would sometimes cry and scream out to God in the safety of my car and other drivers on the road might think I was crazy.
No matter the conversation, I had the space to talk in private with the Lord. I knew he heard me when I spoke out loud.
Every thought.
Every word.
Every feeling.
He heard them all and answered.
On the race there isn’t really a place for that. I am constantly surrounded by other people and in order to find alone time I must put my headphones in my ears and journal. Journaling is nice, I like it, but when you are used to having a conversation with someone and then are forced to write hand written letters it doesn’t feel as connected and authentic. I struggle to communicate exactly what I want God to hear and I can’t “talk” things out with him. It feels a lot more one sided or like a long distance relationship. It feels forced and fake.
Nonetheless, God STILL hears me.
Every thought.
Every word.
Every feeling.
He is there and hears it all.
Lately I have been asking him to gift me supernaturally with the ability to lead worship, write songs and play guitar. After having my team surround me and pray, asking God for this gifting, as their hands left my shoulders I felt a weight lift off.
I heard the whisper, “Daughter, I hear you. You only need to ask and wait.”
Last week I played my first full song on guitar as my teammates sang along and praised God with me. Today my teammate Jon and I were putting chords to the song I wrote last week.
God did hear.
Every thought.
Every word.
Every feeling.
He was there and heard it all.
