I have 58 days until my first deadline of $5,000 is due and I still have a little ways to go. Plus another $10,000 I need to raise after that. I have 78 days until I leave for Georgia and start my training for this trip. We have 2 weeks in Georgia to learn everything we can and prepare for 9 months on the field.
This makes me anxious. Anxious about what training will be like. Anxious about what the race will be like. Anxious about the days falling away and my time getting smaller. And anxious about MONEY.
Before this day and before actually thinking in-depth about deadlines and dates I think I was fine. But now my stomach is turning. Don’t confuse this though for second thoughts, but rather my lack of trust in what God has planned for me.
*GASP*
Yes. I do at times (let’s be honest more times than not) doubt God and His plan for my life. I start to think that He might not know what is best. Maybe I’m wasting my time. Maybe…. All of this is for nothing. Soon I get myself into this spiral of ‘Maybe’s’ and ‘What-Ifs’ and it takes time for me to pull myself out. And by time I mean sometimes days.
Today I’m sitting in Starbucks with a watered down iced coffee trying to get my jumbled thoughts into a decent blog post-like most of my blogs, and the song Oceans by Hillsong comes on. This song is typically seen as the cliche Christian song. But when I hear this song I think of my little cousin Jade. Jade is a unique one. She is sassy and bold, but also has such a sweet, loving, and humble spirit. Jade in a lot of ways reminds me of my Grammy. Her little spirit, in a way, carries on Grammy’s. This is a blessing because my Grammy passed away about a year and a half ago, and it has been extremely hard my whole family. But looking at Jade and seeing her grow in her child-like faith gives me encouragement.
Anyway, how does Jade and the song Oceans play into this story? Well a couple years ago my aunt Keely, Jade’s mom, got a video of Jade (at the age of 3 or 4 I think) with her hands raised worshipping to the song Oceans. So as most of us hear this song and think “Oh another song about letting God lead our lives, Cool” I think wow what an amazing representation of faith. Jade might not have had any idea what she was doing, but I believe she did. And I think her little soul is a perfect example of how we all should be when it comes to our faith.
We hear so often the phrase child-like faith, but what does that mean? I think it means completely surrendering to God without hesitation. Jade hasn’t heard the lies from the devil that tell her to worship a certain way or glorify God this way and not that way. She had probably seen one of her parents lift their hands in worship, and put it together that this is how she should glorify God through worship.
MELTS MY FREAKING HEART!!!!!
But it also reminds me of what I should be doing with God everyday. Completely surrendering my life and not letting anxiety and satan get the best of me when I’m doubting His plan for me. My prayer is that I would continue to remember this and trust him in a child-like way so that as I fundraise and run after Him, I wouldn’t lose sight of who He is and why I’m doing what I’m doing. I pray that we all have child-like faith and that completely surrendering to God daily would become normal for us.
“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.
Galatians 2:20
