Honestly, I’m not sure what to write. I have been home from squad leading for over a month now, so I know I have things to say. But I’m not sure what they are.
I think I’ve been waiting to be able to post a “What’s next” sort of blog. To be able to show that I have my life figured out and everything is going perfectly. But the truth is I don’t know what comes next.
I’m not even sure what comes next week.
And I don’t like it very much. Not knowing. It makes me feel powerless. Weak.
But I was reading in 2 Corinthians the other day and was reminded, and encouraged, that Paul can identify with this feeling of weakness. Identify and rejoice in it.
“However, if I were to boast, it wouldn’t be ridiculous at all, for I would be speaking the truth. Yet I will refrain, lest others think higher of me than what I demonstrate with my life and teaching. The extraordinary level of the revelations I’ve received is no reason for anyone to exalt me. For this is why a thorn in my flesh was given to me, the Adversary’s messenger sent to harass me, keeping me from becoming arrogant. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to relieve me of this. But he answered me, “My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds its full expression through your weakness.” So I will celebrate my weaknesses, for when I’m weak I sense more deeply the mighty power of Christ living in me. So I’m not defeated by my weakness, but delighted! For when I feel my weakness and endure mistreatment—when I’m surrounded with troubles on every side and face persecution because of my love for Christ—I am made yet stronger. For my weakness becomes a portal to God’s power.” 2 Corinthians 12:6-10 (The Passion Translation)
In his first letter to the church in Corinth, Paul writes this:
“For the Kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk; it is living by God’s power.” 1 Corinthians 4:20 (NLT)
So let’s put these two thoughts together. I deeply desire to contribute to and live in the Kingdom of God while here on this earth. And to do that, I must live by God’s power. And for God’s power to find its full expression in my life, it must come through…oh.
The Kingdom of God comes through my weakness.
The Kingdom of God comes when I don’t have it all figured out. When I appear to be surrounded by (see this song!) everything that would come against me; everything that would keep me from living a Kingdom-centered life.
But God.
In the midst of the uncertainty with being back home, God has provided me with a place to live for free, and multiple job opportunities, all with no seeking out on my part. I said, “God I don’t know what is going to happen” and He turned around and dropped opportunity right into my lap. I admitted my weakness, my inadequacy to provide all the answers for myself, and God showed up in my weakness.
I still don’t have all the answers for what is coming and still feel concerns try to assail me about the future, particularly relating to financial security.
But I have seen the faithfulness of God, and I know that He has moved, is moving, and will continue to move in my life.
My name is Drew and I don’t know what is going to happen next. But I know God does, and that my weakness is no obstacle to Him.
