This past month was not one of our busiest months as far as ministry goes. We rarely worked into the afternoon which left a lot of free time for us as a team and individuals. We did a lot of leisure activities of course (I mean, we had a pool after all) but we also had a lot of time for self-reflection and growth.
I did a good amount of reading this month. I mainly read fiction but I also read a nonfiction book called “Scary Close.”
It wrecked me. Here’s part of it.
Somebody once told me we will never feel loved until we drop the act, until we’re willing to show our true selves to the people around us.
When I heard that I knew it was true. I’d spent a good bit of my life as an actor, getting people to clap—but the applause only made me want more applause. I didn’t act in a theater or anything. I’m talking about real life.
The thought of not acting pressed on me like a terror. Can we really trust people to love us just as we are? Nobody steps onto a stage and gets a standing ovation for being human. You have to sing or dance or something.
I think that’s the difference between being loved and making people clap, though. Love can’t be earned, it can only be given. And it can only be exchanged by people who are completely true with each other.
I realized I hadn’t known the difference between being loved and being entertaining. I didn’t know you had to be fully known to be fully loved. I spent years of my life thinking applause was love.
But this month I realized we, as humans, connect through our shortcomings. We connect with each other when we fail, when we fall short, and we are offered grace.
But grace cannot be offered to a perfect person. A perfect person doesn’t need grace.
So I decided to stop pretending to be perfect this month. Because I’m not.
And the grace I received from my teammates was beautiful. It really was. Our relationships blossomed in new ways this month because I decided to drop my act and be my authentic self.
I learned I have to trust people’s intentions and trust that they have my best interest at heart. And when they don’t, because not all people will, I have to ask myself: Is it worth it to get hurt every once in awhile but have deeper, more authentic relationships with everyone else?
This past month, I decided the answer is yes.
The benefit I have seen from my decision has far outweighed any anxieties I had about stepping out from my shell.
So.
Here’s my challenge.
Drop the act. Break out of your shell.
Be you. The true you.
