I have started and restarted, even posted and deleted this blog probably ten times so far.
I want to tell you all about Swaziland. I want to share with you about the family we found there. I want you to know the craziness my heart has been going through since I left Cambodia. And I want to share the fun of Thanksgiving in Africa!
But first, look up at the top of this page. If you're reading this soon after I post this, it still says 80% funded, which is a huge, amazing blessing. December is already here and the end of this month marks my last fundraising deadline. So, as you read and share the sorrows and joys that I hope to describe to you, please share this blog, share the stories, and prayerfully consider sponsoring me. Donations ARE tax-deductible! To all of you who have, my heart is so completely blessed by you and I remember it every day. You are constantly in my prayers.
Okay, that being said….
Leaving: Leaving Cambodia was possibly the worst thing I have ever experienced. I debated with myself all through Swaziland as to whether or not I should share this part, but it is probably the turning point of everything from this point forward for me. I usually love travel days despite my inability to sleep in cars or on planes, but this was different. My last day at our ministry site before meeting up with my squad for our last few days before Africa, I fell utterly in love. I thought I knew what that word meant. In fact, I thought I had learned earlier on in the Race that there were levels of love so deep I had never known or experienced them. But this was different. I know how crazy this sounds but I fell in love with a little four year old girl that I didn't even meet. Our host told me about her and shared pictures and her heartbreaking story. I have heard stories like hers. I have worked with kids with similar stories. But I held it together until my team mates and I got back to our room and I lost it. "God, this love could only come from you." "Yes." "Then I will stay." "…No." I cried every day and night before we left. It is unexplainable but leaving felt like I was leaving my own daughter in that situation… it still does. It's been close to two months and I am still crying as I write this, missing the little girl that I've never met.
Learning: As we arrived in Swazi, I was done. I was taken from a situation I felt sure I could change, given the time there and after all the talk in my life of God asking, "Who will go?" He said no to someone willing, and I felt thrown straight into an area of suffering, crazy spiritual warfare, violence, and so many children who are naked, starving, and uncared for. I think it was in my third week that I finally slept without crying. My prayers were angry… I was angry. Long, long story short, I learned more of God's heart this month than ever before. Maybe more than I thought I wanted to. The dark, hidden parts. A part one of my amazing mentors helped me label as "the weeping room". And I stayed there most of the onth. Weeping. Weeping for the lives surrounding me and with the King that I love and serve. That's when I finally heart His heart, "If this is what I ask of you. If this is where I call you to… darkness that you feel you can't fight and pain you feel you can't heal; if I ask you to stay here alone with me, will you still want this plan I have for you?" "Yes."
Through this month, I learned to love this God that I claimed to understand. And I learned to trust this God that I now see I can't understand. But through all of this I learned that the gift of obedience is perhaps the best of the spiritual gifts. And I'm learning that I still have a lot to learn.
Loving: So… beyond all of that craziness, in Swaziland, my team was with two other teams. And thank goodness because I hadn't thought about how sad Thanksgiving would have been with just six people. Our hosts were beyond amazing. They were a Swazi discipleship team, a couple from America and Swazi, and two recently moved American families. We taught in the preschool, did discipleship and Christmas parties at carepoints surrounding the area, and did construction to put in new water lines (you can't imagine how needed a couple of hours with dirt and a pick ax can be when you're in a small house with nineteen people). God is up to awesome things in Swaziland. I honestly believe after seeing it firsthand that the uncoming generations are beginning to step into what it is that God has for them. The atmosphere is shifting and God's kingdom is growing there–a land that has long since been willingly giving itself over to the enemy. Strongholds are being broken and you can follow what the Lord is doing there through the blogs of some of our hosts! (malloysonmission.com and spraggsonmission.com)
If you haven't already, please go back and read "Go Ahead… Give Rides to Strangers" and "#prismliving".
There are needs right where you are at! And please remember my fundraising deadline is Dec. 31st so share blogs, spread the word, and please please keep my team and I in your prayers!
Donations ARE tax-deductible!
All my love…
