So.. here I am! Getting ready to go on the World Race! …WOW.
However, instead of feeling overjoyed or excited, this past week I have faced some discouragement and found myself questioning what it was God really wanted me to do. I mean, honestly, if we look at this from a world perspective, it seems crazy, unsafe, and somewhat irresponsible. I won't be going to school for this year, it's a lot of money to raise, I need to get my career going first before I end up getting "stuck" sowing into someone else's, after all this work into school I won't be using my degree, it's a "setback". After all, I can't change the world or put a lasting dent in an area that is particularly heartbreaking to me–the world of human sex trafficking–without money and influence. How can I expect that to come from wasting a year running around the globe doing… what was it that I was going to be doing again?
Honestly, I don't.
I don't expect to find myself on this "trip", I don't expect to figure out my life while working in an orphanage, ministering to trafficked women, feeding the hungry, or healing the sick and brokenhearted. But I also don't expect any of that from an education. I don't expect to be able to carry out the will of God in my life through doing any one thing, doing the "right thing", or doing the unthinkable. I don't expect to ever put a dent in human trafficking locally or internationally, and I certainly don't expect to change the world based on any events in my life or decisions that I make.
What I DO expect, is for God to use me as I follow Him in obedience. He has instilled in me this passion for purity, a love for the used, brokenhearted, and unloved, and an intolerance for injustice. He will carry out a work in me–that I'm certain of, because He didn't give me these things without giving me the anointing to make a difference. I don't intend to punch injustice, hopelessness, and sin in the face, or to be recognized for "changing the world". I intend to change the world in one person's life… then another. Face-to-face, one-on-one. Deep healing for His children who's ENTIRE WORLD is broken and dark. That person's world is what I'm after. Their tears are what break my heart. And while education and influence and money seem like they would make the most sense… I don't expect anything but God's love, power, and plan to change anything on the issue or these young people's hearts and lives. And if right now, He were asking me to do so through school or any other means, I would gladly do so! So maybe now we can understand why this is where I'm going. The World Race. Not because I believe it will change my life or anyone else's but because absolutely NOTHING will truly change ANYTHING but God and right now, this is where He has asked me to go; where He has put me.
So there's my "why"….
Hope this encourages some of you out there who are battling the same thing. Has God asked you to go? Then go, because nothing else matters but Him! We can't expect change to come from anything… but Him.
