I’m overwhelmed, exhausted and speechless.
I’m in Africa.
I have dreamed of being back for years and here I am. Finally.
I have so many emotions and thoughts and ideas… that I’m paralyzed. I feel numb, at a stand still, afraid that if I move to quickly this will all somehow disappear. I still haven’t fully digested the middle east, nor gotten out of the mindset (don’t make eye contact with men, don’t tell people what I’m doing this year out of protection for our contacts and ourselves, ignore the yelling, ect…)
The best I can do at the moment is take a deep breathe and say
“Thank you Jesus, I’m home”
“Thank you Jesus, I’m home”
…even if I cant totally comprehend it all yet.
We have had the honor of staying at some campgrounds here in Nairobi with the other squad that left in Aug with us. A sweet time of rest and fellowship to transition countries, cultures, languages, currencies and spiritual atmospheres. Last night as we were worshiping, a fellow racer Aubrey Rainbow (from the other squad-someone I haven’t talked to since a skype date in early November… and also a class A rockstar-she just shaved her head on new years!) came up and spoke a vision over me that the Lord was giving her. She heard Exhausted. She rebutted that He would have to elaborate a bit because that wasn’t very encouraging. Here’s what He showed her (the bold is what she spoke, the italicized is how my mind responds) :
I was in a dark room where photos were developed. All around were pictures God is giving me this year but they have to be left in the dark room to develop. They have to go through the process of development in order to come out as they were intended to be.
All of
the stuff God is planting in me right now-things like righteousness,
purity, integrity, discernment, wisdom, discretion- are things that
need to be developed over time.
the stuff God is planting in me right now-things like righteousness,
purity, integrity, discernment, wisdom, discretion- are things that
need to be developed over time.
She continued to say that if I rush the process before its time and I turn on that light or open that door then the image would be ruined. It would not end up being what it was captured to be.
I HATE the process of anything. Change, healing, growth, even things like school… it all just seems mundane and unnecessary. Why cant I just snap my fingers and be at the end. God parted the red sea in a matter of minutes- why cant He just snap His fingers and change me? Stupid and illogical I know. But that’s where my brain goes until I’m reminded that He uses the process to draw us closer to Him, and consequently others, through our journey towards Him. I need to remind myself this at least once a week. Im working on it.
I have to be left in the dark for a little while longer while God develops these things in me. I have to be in the dark for just a little longer about how and where He will use all these new gifts so He can grow them into their full potential.
I stood sobbing as Aubrey spoke this over me. She had no idea what God had been doing in me the last few months, but she heard clearly from the Lord and stepped out in obedience by coming over to tell me. It was exactly what I needed to hear, exactly what I needed to be content in this season of intense growth and change.
I’m here, I’m ready and I will be patient on the Lord’s work in me.
In the meantime though, I’m gonna hold me as many African babies as I can get my hands on.
I’m gonna lay hands on as many people as I can and proclaim healing. I will beg heaven to fall down on a people that are desperate for Him and His provision. I will claim peace over war stricken countries and speak life over a dying nation…
…Just like Aubrey spoke life over me.
P.S. MINISTRY UPDATE: Surprise-we will now be staying in Kenya for the month of January instead of traveling to Uganda on the 2nd! We will be busing to west Kenya (estimated 7-12 hours) on teh 4th to work in a small town called Busia. We will be working with a pastor there doing evangelism, working in hospitals and clinics, making visits to the local prisons, ministering to families in the village, and doing construction projects around town. We will be working with Team Oasis this month, which I am so excited about!
Thank you so much for your prayers and support!!
They’re moving mountains half way around the world!
