Home

This song is depicting of exactly where my heart
is at the moment. In ways that I cant even understand. An anthem to what I
left, what I’m currently
embracing, and what I’m trusting the Lord for.

I can barely gather my thoughts and emotions long
enough to express them, so instead I have had this song on repeat for the last
4 days. I am in a state of transition, standing firmly on this rock in the midst of
the raging seas, trusting that He is good even when the waves crash 30 times an
hour.

Its almost as if the Lord is saying: “You
committed to swimming out and standing on the truth of my promises- did you
mean it? The rubber is hitting the road and its no longer in theory, but
practice. Do you still trust me in the obedience I asked of you? Do you still
trust that I’m faithful and I will see this through to the end… even if you
don’t understand because the waves of fleeting emotion are too high to see
it??”

Help me trust you Lord.

I had a revelation on the flight home. The Princess that left on this pilgrimage, was coming home a Queen. On that plane, God
adorned me with a cloak of grace, wisdom, confidence, maturity, discernment and
discretion. It was an honor as He wrapped it around me and tied it securely to
my body. It felt so right. So good. These things He had been talking to me about the last 6 months, He was now entrusting me to own and live out. As I have been walking around in it this
last day though, I have become acutely aware that it is too big for me. I find myself drowning in it
and feeling like its too heavy of a responsibility to carry.

“I’m not ready for this Lord- it’s too big for
me! I cant do it” I cry out.

And in borderline sarcasm I felt like He said
“HA! Of course it’s too big for you! You have to grow into it and practice
carrying it!”

I am realizing the gravity of claiming that kind
of truth over yourself. It requires all of your security to come from the Lord.
It requires you to love with such reckless abandonment that isn’t contingent on
anyone’s response or reciprocation. I love because He first loved me- a
confidence that exceeds the flesh. The responsibility that comes with knowing
things, but holding your tongue because it’s not time- discernment and
discretion. Maturity that knows what she came for and in wisdom says “Excuse
me, I don’t mean to offend you, but I came to see the Jesus in you.”

And the grace showers down when I can manage to
do all of these things, and more, with class and elegance as I humbly bow
myself lower than others to serve them.

This is a big cloak- but so was the prospect of
this year. I watched him be faithful in completing what He began 11 months ago
and again I will take him at His word and walk in the consuming weight of His
call. Even if I stumble through the learning process (please give me grace as I
practice being this woman), I trust that He will be glorified in my attempt.

He never said He was safe, but He is good.

And so is the work He is doing in and through me.