So where are the blogs? I know it seems like I’ve barely written anything in the last month, and that’s completely true. It’s been a rough time for Internet access in Tanzania, and this month looks like I’ll be lucky to get Internet once a month. It’s also a lot more difficult to blog since I no longer have a computer to write blogs on.
Tanzanian ministry was pretty much standard Africa – preaching at churches and crusades, teaching Bible stories to children, fighting witchcraft and demonic possession, and going house to house sharing the great news of God’s love. With two teams in the house, and rarely more than a few hours of ministry daily, it was honestly a pretty chill month.
I needed a chill month to digest debrief. I think for nearly all of us this debrief was something extra – something challenging and amazing and relevatory and awesome all rolled into one. We were asked to consider going home as well as pressing in to the last three months of ministry on the Race. We were called up into greater things in light of everything we’ve been going through so far. The one word that stuck out to me the most, and a word I really believe will characterize the rest of the race, is surrender. One of the speakers we had at debrief was Ashley Musick, visiting from AIM, and one thing she said really hit me. She was speaking with a Christian in a closed country – where you can be shot just for being Christian, and that person said to her, “The difference between American Christians and persecuted Christians is simple. You Americans are committed – we are surrendered.” It’s true.
We’ve been told this is a year of abandonment. This is a year where we give things up. The squad as a whole has had to go to many many things in our life and say, “God’s call is more important to me than this, I will abandon it in favor of the Race.” I’ve abandoned a lot of stuff even on the Race. You want the list? Good, because here it is (bullet point format for the win!):
-1 pair of tennis shoes, left in a YWAM house in Bangkok (replaced)
-1 pair of sandals, broken and fondly left in a dumpster in Ecuador -(replaced, but I need to replace the replacements now as well)
-2 pair of jeans, worn completely beyond patching (replaced)
-2 washclothes, just plain lost
-4-8 pens (children, they love the writing utensils)
-1 daypack, left on a van in Tanzania in the hurry to get out
CONTENTS:
-1 journal, with the events of every day since April.
-Every note, prophecy, or letter I have ever received on the whole Race.
-1 camera, specifically the one I bought in Thailand to replace the one that quit working in Peru.*
-1 laptop, with everything I’d written and over 6000 pictures taken throughout the Race.*
*(Not replaced. You know, just in case you’re having trouble coming up with a Christmas present or something.)
That’s sort of a heavy blow, but I’m not the only one who’s had to abandon things. V Squad as a whole has had some serious losses. We’ve been robbed in several countries, lost countless electronic devices to water or inquisitive hands or one too many bumps on the airport luggage carousel. Before we left we had stuff to abandon too. We’ve abandoned jobs, houses, cars, computers, and in many cases full bank accounts. We’ve said farewell to friends and family, missed weddings and births and anniversaries. In some cases we’ve had people abandon us – parents who say, “you’re crazy,” significant others who tell us they just can’t handle it and they’re moving on, friends who won’t talk to us any more because we’re just too radical for going on a mission trip for nearly a year.
We’ve abandoned personal space, access to anything resembling American civilization (libraries, public restrooms, supermarkets, convenience stores), the right to be right, personal opinions, the ability to be picky about what smells we put up with, functioning toilets, quiet, personal freedom, houses that don’t have wild animals living with you – it’s a very very long list. We’ve abandoned a lot for the sake of this trip.
The critical difference between abandonment and surrender is this: Abandonment is giving stuff up. We say, “All right, this is going to get in the way of God really working full strength in me, so I’m done with it,” and we abandon it. Surrender is giving stuff over to God. It’s saying, “I can’t do anything with this situation, this person, this STUFF – so here, YOU take it God, and do what you want with it.” It’s about acknowledging that we don’t have control or authority over nearly anything in our life, that our stuff isn’t really ours, and that we can’t truly actually CHANGE any person or relationship. It’s about knowing what we can’t control, and surrendering that to God to do His thing with it.
I don’t have a laptop any more. Nothing I can do will bring that little red chunk of computing hardware back to me. I’m not even on the same continent any more. What I can do is give God that pain of loss, that last little bit of regret in my mind that I could have done something different, that small voice that says God could have used my stuff much better in my hands than in some roadside bazaar somewhere being sold for a fraction of its real value. I can surrender all that to God and say, “Ok God, it’s totally out of my hands, it’s all Yours.”
I’m learning surrender. It’s not as easy, and a lot more painful than abandonment, but it’s a very very good lesson to learn.
Next week I hope I’ll have another shot at Internet access – maybe I’ll have another blog! For now, be praying for MANistry in Thailand – all 13 of the men on V squad are gathered together in Kanchanaburi province, western Thailand, having a great time serving God in the jungle!
