I’ve been home for a little while now, and I’m beginning to realize a few things. Primarily I’m learning that what I did this year has not had the profound impact on me that I thought it would. The alterations that I believed have occurred to me are not the result of going on the World Race. I was out on the Race, and thought a number of times that, “wow I’m sure different. This trip has really changed me!” But the more perspective I get on this the more I come to understand something: the Race didn’t change me.
It’s strange to say that – everyone says “you’ll come back changed,” “you’ll never be the same after the Race,” and stuff like that. It’s probably more or less true. I’ve got a new perspective on the world now, and a whole bunch of stuff I learned about God and His Kingdom. I’ve seen things and done things that absolutely have resulted in a different collection of experiences, if you want to define identity that way. But that’s a little shortsighted, if you ask me.
When I left on the Race, I was an introverted, lone-wolf type. I didn’t need people, I didn’t want people, I didn’t particularly LIKE people. I hardly ever read my Bible. I spent all my spare time on video games or reading novels or the occasional run in the morning. I liked taking the easy path with anything, and as a result the road to wherever I was at was paved with the lost opportunities and regrets of a spectator lifestyle. Church stuff was a distraction from the world I preferred to live in. ‘Getting involved’ required way too much effort, and God was a side note to my life.
So I’m home. I won’t say I’ve changed completely – I still like good books and video games, and I’m still capable of being comfortable not seeing anyone for an entire day. But I’ve changed nonetheless. I can’t really articulate all the big and little things that have changed, most of them in how I see myself and my relationship with God, but I recognize in my thoughts a difference in who I thought I was before the Race and who I’m learning to become now. I have a passion for devouring the Word, and I’m constantly talking with Poppa. I’m fed up with the spectator life, and I’m taking steps to get more involved with wherever I am. So I’ve definitely changed… but the WHY is what’s important here. I wasn’t changed by the things I did on the Race. I wasn’t changed by some intangible quality unique to the Race. I wasn’t changed because I did a year of missions, or because I went to a dozen different countries.
I was changed because God changed me.
It was said dozens of times on the Race, when someone was bemoaning a poor contact, or regretting a local person who just didn’t get it, or even complaining about a teammate (oh yeah, this happens). “You can’t change anyone. Only God changes people.” And the other person would respond, “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll just turn it over to God and wait.” It was so clear to us when we were in the thick of things (and talking about someone else!) but once you come home, and the World Race High starts to wear off, and we’re back to living in boring old America – when the Race starts to feel like a dream, that’s when you start to wonder what the point of it all was. Why did we bother going on that crazy 11-month trip when we could have spent the last year making money, or doing ministry in the States, or living in a world where you could eat Chick-Fil-A whenever you wanted? If we changed so much this year, and it wasn’t because of the Race, what was the point?
I read a book this year about spiritual discipline. Basically the point of discipline is not to magically craft us into superior people – it just puts us in a place where God can work on us. Not that God can’t do whatever He wants, but there are things we can choose to do that make it easier. If you WANT God to change you, things happen a lot faster! I didn’t go on the Race because I wanted, specifically, to change, but once I got going I noticed it was happening anyway. I get the why now. It wasn’t because I spent a year doing missions work – it’s because I spent a year in a constant attitude of dependance on God. I’d never been overseas, never done missions work, never been in any kind of community let alone the type you find on the Race. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. So, I turned to God. It was quite literally my only choice. It’s one of the things I’ve noticed a lot about God, that He loves giving us situations we can’t successfully work ourselves out of. I mean, what’s the point of having a Father bigger than us if we’re capable of handling life on our own, right? I found myself almost constantly in situations I had zero experience with – and so as I turned increasingly to God to provide fire support, I discovered the other half of dependance: transformation. “To be in the presence of God is to change,” says Richard Foster, and it’s true. Without even intending to, simply as a result of a choice to be more dependent on God, I discovered that I was being transformed.
I didn’t become a new person because I went on some crazy mystical journey, although perhaps I never would have found the path without it. I absolutely love my Race experience, and I’d never trade it for another year of corporate paychecks and first world problems. But the World Race didn’t change me. God did. And I’ve been changed for the best.
Those of you who know me know I’m a slow processor. I’m still working on putting all the pieces together of what it all really means and where I go next, but the most immediate step is a trip back down to Georgia next month for Project: Searchlight. Searchlight is a week-long reorientation session to help former Racers like me process and evaluate everything that happened on the Race, and get a run-up on the next phase of our life – and Adventures In Missions is providing the whole thing free of charge! I’m really glad to have a parent organization like AIM that provides this sort of thing instead of just letting us flounder on our own. I really love the vision AIM has, and I’m hoping to remain in contact with them in the future. It’s a tremendous organization chock full of incredible Kingdom people. Would you consider a year end financial gift to AIM to help sustain the work God is doing as together we plant the Kingdom around the world? If you give before the end of the year, there are several generous donors who have agreed to match your donation, doubling the effectiveness of your gift! For more information, check out the donor site here!
I’m still not done blogging here folks! There’s a whole squad’s worth of excellent blogs that I’m trawling through for the year in review. Stick around and see what God’s been doing through the rest of my 50+ family this year!
