I have written and rewritten this blog, in the first draft I scratched the surface of many things that God has been working on in my life and in others I have gone a little deeper but I am going to just share the one that has been the hardest for me.
I didn’t realize, going into the week of training camp, how much I am used to being in a leadership position and being “in the know” or even being in control of my surrounds. Until that point I had never realize how much of a comfort zone that had become for me. From time to time during the week I only knew at the end of the “events” what was going on… At first this didn’t bother me because I was taking everything in, meeting people, taking in all of the talks and trying to process everything that I could. As the week went on, and I grew more tired, the more this bothered me. Every time a leader was picked, or some one was given a task, I was force to rely on them and wait to know what was going on, thinking to myself ‘why wasn’t I chosen?’ I was becoming frustrated with not knowing what was going on, what my part in the group was, and a whole flood of emotions battling inside. The whole time I felt God telling me to wait on Him and to give control to Him. I let this build up to the point of letting myself speak harshly to someone that I felt was a threat…
I put walls up to protect myself from getting hurt when what I was really doing is adding stress and division to our team. One of the six amazing ladies, that I am blessed to have as teammates, told me that God had given her a word for me and that it was “REST”, my first response was I don’t even know what that means or how to rest.
Lots of tears, prayers and being prayed for God has shown me that I need to give Him COMPLETE CONTROL not limit Him like I was trying to do, and that I need to take rest in Him putting my focus into growing closer to Him! I need to let go of my tendencies of being engulfed in working, being busy, and letting self get in the way of drawing closer to Christ and His children.
WOW! This is going to be challenging… But, I know that I serve an amazing, all-sufficient God that will walk beside me and often times carry me through this process.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
