Before leaving Laramie for launch a few weeks ago I had a big conflict with someone
close to me, that left me needing to seek forgiveness and give forgiveness. Although I
did try to resolve and restore things before leaving for launch things weren
‘t very good
and I hadn
‘t actually fully forgiven them. Although I had asked God for forgiveness I
hadn
‘t asked them. During a prayer time while I was still in Atlanta God laid it on my
heart to seek forgiveness and to let that person know that they were forgiven. Later that
night I was able to call and do just that and instantly it was as if a weight was lifted,
healing could begin, and I was free to leave on the race.
Until yesterday I didn
‘t realize how much hurt I was carrying around, not all of it was
from that particular conflict, however it was the majority. I had let this effect me so much
that I was quiet and withdrawn from my team and squad. It took me snapping at a
teammate to wake me up to the fact that not only was all of this weighing heavily on my
mood, spirit, and ability to be here in China both mentally and physically, but it was also
effecting the my team. Although there was new hurt from a few weeks ago it was all
stemming from past hurts, and until the past year I thought that I had worked past
“snapping” at people but as you can see I am not.
Today in the courtyard behind the apartment building that is our current residence
here in Harbin China, I was talking to Erica and she told me “growing spiritually is like
when we plant a garden, in order to get anything to grow the ground needs to be tilled
up because if you just throw seeds on the hard surface they will just wash away. When
you till up the ground, what was buried is now brought up to the surface”, in my case old
problems, hurts, and parts of my past came up like weeds and needed to be dealt with
again. Like many things in life this will take time to heal and some (all) things will come
to the surface again for this round God has kick started the healing and is renewing my
spirit. He has put some wonderful people in my life that have been encouraging me and
praying for me along the way!
In summery, don
‘t put off seeking forgiveness or telling someone that they are forgiven,
and although it takes time to heal please learn from me and don
‘t let everything build up
to the point where you are hurting those around you.
Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will
also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your
Father forgive your trespasses.
