This past month I have been able to see the work that God has been doing in my life these past months. He has brought me to a point of letting go of things that I have been holding on too. Until He showed me I hadn’t really realized how tightly I had been holding on to relationships, heart ties, lies, the desire to be heard, hurts (past and present), and the desire to be needed.
I had been holding onto relationships with friends because they made me feel needed but those friendships where in reality draining me and keeping me in a constant state of depression. It is time to let go of these relationships because it is not for me to fix other people, that is between them and God. When I try to fix thing or “help them” I am really just crippling them or getting in the way.
Another thing that I am letting go of is trying to take care of my siblings, breaking those “big sister, always wanting to look after and take care of things for them” habits. My brothers are strong, wise, extremely capable men that I am very proud of. Yes they have struggles but, come on who doesn’t, and yes they do still need me; however they need me to love them, pray for them and just be myself. My sister is an amazing, caring woman of God who not only am I unable to to constantly do things for or take care of, but she is taking care of all of my financial needs back home. The siblings that I had in the back of my mind as needing me are actually my support. Oh how the tables have turned.
I have spent far to much time in my short life trying to be heard and seen, but I haven’t been listening well. I didn’t truly realize that I am heard, I am seen, I am loved. God hears me, His constantly answering me and showing up in big ways. My family, friends, teammates and squad-mates hear and see me. I just couldn’t see it because I allowed the lies from the enemy to be heard over the truths of my savior.
As all of these things surfaced, I am so overwhelmed with more emotions than I know what to do with; even when I don’t have anything in the forefront of my mind that I am walking through- I cry. Then I cry because I thought I was already past something but here it is again and so much harder to get past then the last time. I know that all of this is a process and the tears are a needed part of that process.
As I am breaking through the walls, lies, and hurts- and out of the box that I have had myself in- the tears are helping settle the dust so I can see the progress. Giving me hope for the end to this renovation project.
Ephesians 6:10-11
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.
