This post is a little postponed but sometimes I just like to sit with moments and savor them. Nonetheless, there is so much power in sharing them.
Saying goodbye was a little harder than I anticipated. Everything that I knew to be comfort was being stripped away. My family, my friends, my car, my bed and shower. Haha! Sounds silly but it’s truth. I kept reminding my heart to “Say Goodnight Instead.” The Lord is leading me into a season of leaning into Him.
The weekend of launch was an incredible weekend. I’ll give you some back story.
After graduating from bible school the Lord redirected my heart and I moved back home with my parents. I had set my heart on staying in San Antonio and was about to sign a lease for an apartment as soon as I got back from my visit home. I remember getting on a plane after my brother had just told me that him and his wife we’re moving to El Paso. And get this, he gives me this news as he’s dropping me off at the airport. Like what? No! I had it all planned out! I was going to go home, enjoy the holidays, get back, sign a lease and live on my own. You’re not allowed to give me these news as you drop me off. As he unfolded all of this, he added, “I talked to mom and we feel it’s best for you to move back home.” Ummm, okay.
So I get off the car, check in and go through security with my head swirling in confusion. So I’m supposed to move back home? I boarded the plane and I sat there, blank. In a split of a second I reacted and told the Lord, “If this is what you want, I guess I’ll move back home.” My heart knew that this is what I needed to do, and as much as I wanted to go against it, I obeyed. I sat on the plane and rode back home.
Fast forward two years and a half years and we’re back at launch. I sat there in complete awe of the Lord and how he had to perfectly orchestrated this journey. It was two and half years of hard lessons, real heart checks and knowing the Father in such a deep way. All I could say was, thank you. Thank you for the tears because you always met me where I was. Thank you for my parents and allowing me to create a deeper love and a true friendship with them. Thank you for an amazing community you set around me to encourage me at my lowest moments. Thank you that in every moment, I got to know you in a such a beautiful and intimate way. Just, thank you.
As I worshipped with my parents at the Launch service, I felt the Lord tugging at my heart to lean over and pray with my dad. Side note, parents make mistakes too and that was a hard pill for me to swallow. At first I hesitated but after the third time He tugged at my heart, I knew I couldn’t ignore it. I leaned over and any resentment I had held against him, simply melted away. I stood there in full embrace with my dad and felt like a little girl again. I flashed back to all those moments I would sit with him as a child and it felt like home. I knew that the Lord was sealing this season as tears just streamed down my face. Again, all I could say was thank you. I felt like the Lord was reminding me that he also holds me with tenderness and is longing after my heart, all I have to do is lean in.
So today, wherever you are, lean in. Lean in to his tenderness. Lean in to his promises. Lean in to Him.
From one vulnerable heart to another,
Diane
P.S. Here’s a fun song and in reference to the title.
