Goodbyes. They’re weird.
The end of July is near and August equals the World Race journey begins. To be honest with you, I still can’t get my mind to wrap around it! I feel like it’s a dream. Like if my life is going to keep going here in the US, not that I’m about to be in India in less than two weeks.
Like what?!
Because a new journey is beginning, this one is coming to an end. A great friend of mine, and a missionary in training like me, simply put it this way, “Embrace it Diane.”
Embrace the feelings. Embrace the good. Embrace the awkward. Embrace the uncomfortable. Just embrace it.
So, I’m trying.
Here I am, one thirty in the morning sitting on a couch in Colorado Springs. I should be sleeping because tomorrow is a long travel day for me, but I’m trying to ‘embrace it.’
I’m trying to embrace the fact that America will not be home for eleven months. Embrace that the amazing group of friends and family that surround me now will be a call or an email away instead of a couple of blocks away.
Sometimes I do feel like I’m being OVER dramatic. I tell myself, “Diane, it’s only a year. You’re going to be more than fine. Remember, this is what your heart has longed for before you even knew it.” Embrace it.
My eyes get watery. Embrace it.
I can’t sleep at night. Embrace it.
My love for God and his calling over my life are so much bigger and stronger than my fears. Embrace it.
Tears. Embrace it.
Deep breaths. Embrace it.
The Lord’s peace. EMBRACE IT!
(haha! That’s really what my thoughts sound like)
Diane, embrace His truth.
How steadfast and constant Christ is.
His thoughts are higher.
He knew you before you were in your mother’s womb.
He knows how many hairs are on your head.
He knows you.
He knows every detail of you.
Embrace it.
So today Christ, I embrace you. I embrace your love for me. How you love me the same, whether I go around the world or just sit knowing you’re near me. That this trip is not about performance. The enemy brings lies, but your truth remains. I embrace your kind and patient heart after mine. That no matter if I try to run away, you pursue me. Jesus, you’re so good. I remind my soul of your great works. How you’ve never failed me and you never will. You are the definition of perfection. My brain is too finite to comprehend it, but my spirit knows it. You are Abba. You’re my daddy. The sweetness of your heart longing to see your children full of joy. The bravery to chase down death and beat it to be near us. You fight for me. You speak truth when I’m afraid. You are Yahweh, the essence of life. It’s your breath in my lungs. It’s you Abba. It’s you who I adore. It’s you Abba that my heart longs for. It’s you.
As the night creeps along, I’m going to embrace my sleepy eyes and my heart at rest. Goodnight world.
From one very vulnerable heart to another,
Diane
