Nobody can prepare you for India… nobody. No amount of video documentaries, book knowledge, even simulations at training camp, will be enough to make you feel comfortable in this culture when you step off the airplane.
Regardless, advice never hurt, so here are some helpful tips and tricks I have learned during the past few weeks in India:
Crossing the Street is like playing Frogger… You’re the Frog
How did the Racer Cross the Road?
By Faith.
Tuk-Tuks, Motos, Cars, they don’t stop for you. So if you have to cross five lanes of traffic going both ways, the key is to dodge and run. I’m sure prayer helps, too, but in a moment when the moto is a split second away from meeting your body, you forget to be wise. Remember, there are no known speed limits, so don’t rely on your own ability to discern distance, speed, and time ratios… When you finally get over the inconsistency, and realize you could be breathing your last breath, you just gotta commit and go. Thus far, I have found myself on the other side of the road in one piece. Results for the next two weeks still pending….
No Spice Means Spice.
There is no such thing as “no spice”. If you say “no spice”, you are merely asking for the least amount of spice available. Always have a full bottle of water (boiled, of course) handy at all times, and know where the nearest restroom is. Also, keep some toilet paper in your back pocket, unless you want to go full Indian and use your left hand (10 out of 10 would not recommend, hahaha).
You Don’t Always Get Where You Want to Go, but it Makes Good Stories
My girls and I left church on Sunday in the middle of a monsoon storm, and went on a wild goose chase for a restaurant one of the locals had recommended. Our Tuk-Tuk drivers had no idea where it was, and spoke little English. They dropped us off at the only part of the address we knew how to say, where we roamed up and down the streets in waterfall-like weather. We wound up in what is (most likely), the fanciest resturaunt in town.
Picture this: five American females, standing drenched in an Indian restaurant equivalent to Buckingham Palace, giggling feverishly from our sprint through the rain. The waiter handed us CLOTH NAPKINS to dry off. That should have been our first indication to head straight back out the door. We sat down, enjoyed the best meal we will probably ever have on the race, and then nearly fainted at the bill…
Language Will Always Be a Barrier. The Key is to Own it.
While shopping, my friend and I asked if there were any bigger portions of milk, instead of the individualized bagged milks. The worker eventually got so frustrated with trying to tell us that was all she had that she marched to the back room and shoved an unopened box of 20 milk packets into our arms. We may or may not have left the box in the aisle because we were afraid to try to tell her that it wasn’t what we were looking for.
Word of advice: Bagged milk is the weirdest thing ever. If you need milk, comb through the whole store for a carton before surrendering to the bagged. It doesn’t taste any different, but it’s a little more messy, and honestly, it is just unnatural (hahahaha, as if carton-ed milk isn’t).
Watch the Eye Contact
Here in the city, the stigma about making eye contact with men is not as extreme as I was told it would be. Nevertheless, when the bagger is staring at you, it is hard not to give him the wrong the impression, because he just assumes that every time you look at him, you are telling him you want to marry him. Then, he carries your groceries to the street for you and tries to help you flag a tuk tuk driver down… I’m still hoping that was a courtesy thing hahaha.
Ralph Will Find You
We have had a stray cat break into our apartment so many times, that we have to put a chair underneath the door to prevent him from being able to push it open. Most strays shy away from us, but Ralph has been our constant unwanted companion. If you ever visit India, he may come find you too.
Working Electricity Does Not Always Mean Working Electricity
Sometimes, you are walking up the stairs in the store, or writing in your journal late at night and the electricity just… goes out. Initially it is shocking, but after about the fourth time a day, you learn that it is just a part of life.
Indians Love Selfies
I have no idea how many selfies of my face are floating around India right now, but it seems like a gazillion. I am basically a celebrity. If I ever come back to India, I wonder if somebody I have taken a selfie with will recognize me, haha.
The Rats are the Size of Small Dogs
Seriously, I’ve only seen one rat as roadkill, but the GIF says it all. And I thought the Princess Bride was just exaggerating…
Overall, I have loved embracing this beautiful culture. The people here are courteous (with the occasional exception, haha). Our tuk tuk driver would not let us be dropped off someplace other than our house because of our large grocery bags, and even got out of the car to carry them to our door. The women beam when we are intentional and smile widely at them, the children are very friendly and love to chat and play. And everywhere I look, I see the face of our Lord’s very own creation.
It has been such a blessing to be able to experience God in a different way, and to see another part of His character.
