On Monday, October 15 I left Team H, L squad and the World Race for this season of my life. I heard God calling me out of a season of hurt and pain and into a season of restoration, healing, and freedom. And to get to that place of healing I had to leave the Race. Don't get me wrong, leaving the Race was the very last thing that I wanted, it wasn't even an option until I read these words my Squad Leader Carly sent me in an email.
"Fighting for yourself means you give your heart what it needs,
even if it's the exact opposite of what you want."
~Carly
I read that email a thousand times before and those words didn't hit, until I sat down and really read the words of the email. At that time, those words pierced my heart. I know that being on the Race wasn't a safe place for me anymore. My heart needed to be in the safest place possible to work through everything, and the Race wasn't that for me. Let me say this, no one on my team or the squad did anything to make it unsafe. The only thing they did was love me and fight for me through all of this. I would have done anything if the Race could have been that place for me. There was nothing more than I wanted was to be able to stay with Team Hephzibah, and finish this race with my sisters and the rest of the squad. But God had something different planed for me.
For the past month and a half, I've been trying my hardest to fight for myself. I tried to find freedom and healing on the Race through different things, but none worked. I want to say I failed at this, but that is a lie straight from the pit of hell. I know that I broke through so many strongholds that I never though I could. I am not the same girl who left on September 5th. I am different. I am older and wiser. I have seen things I never imagined I would. I have loved complete strangers from the bottom of my heart. I opened up to a room full of crazy people, who became my family, and let love me and fight for me. I left a new and changed person.
With all of this being said, the Race doesn't end here for me. Right now my main focus is to get all the help I need to get to this place of healing and freedom, God has in store for me. Once I get there, I will be applying for the Race again, hopefully one of the July 2013 routes. I want to be able to go out and serve God in a way that I wasn't able to this time around. I want to be able to focus all of my energy and strength into the people around me either the people we are ministering to or to my team/squad mates. I want to be able to fight for them and lift them up, when they can't fight for themselves. Just as my teammates and squad mates did for me this past month. I know that God has called me home for a greater reason. I can't wait to find out what that is. When I do, you guys will be the first to know.
I want to thank every last one of you who has read my blogs, prayed from me, and supported me through donations from the bottom of my heart. I couldn't have even started any of this if it was for your love and support and prayers. Thank you!
If you have any question about any of this please email me at: [email protected]
and I would love to talk to you about them.
and I would love to talk to you about them.
Thank you again for all of your support.
Much Love,
Diana
