This is an exerpt from my journal and I would love to hear some of your opinions.
Even now I am consciously altering my thoughts and what’s written on this page from fear of perception. I want to be real; I want to be genuine. I cannot generate a single logical reason I would ever want to live my life in a false reality. I have been fake before and still catch myself to this day. It is easy to deceive yourself and live for an image, but not beneficial to making sense of this world. With that knowledge, it is still a battle to this day not to accept what lines up with desire, even if it is false. My mind is often a mangled mess, a conglomeration of conflicting currents attempting to power the circuit of life. The current of the conscious, a static flow of logic, the electromagnetic pulse of the heart, and a constant surge of emotional wants and desires wage war in the intricate neurological processes of my brain.
Assuming I am a free rational being capable of determining what is real; my only scale of validity is experience. I accept science’s attempts to make sense of the natural world, of course with discernment, as secondhand knowledge through scientific experimentation and research, yet it would be restricting to accept anything as absolute truth short of firsthand experience when it pertains to the abstract. What is love? What is good? What is evil? What is luck? How do I make sense of feelings? Only the creator has these answers. I seek to acquire wisdom in both the natural and spiritual world. How do they coincide in perfect harmony? How do I explain the peace I acquire while lying under the stars? Or what of the joy of an African sunrise? What about the humbling feeling, in the stillness of a winter morning from high in a Georgia pine, that I am not alone?
Oh I shall cherish understanding and delight in the one who has infinite wisdom.
“To acquire wisdom is to love oneself; People who cherish understanding will prosper.”
Proverbs 19: 8
“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires”
Psalms 37: 4
My spiritual journey is more than just fellowship with good people, chills, and a sensation or out of the body experience; it is more than a belief that what we observe consistently occurring 1 trillion times can change on the 1 trillion and 1st, it is a transcending knowledge that I know that I know there is something more than just the visible. I have faith in God because he has been evident in my life, and I have not given him the identity of chance. God doesn’t need a nickname, Chance is longer than God.
Thank you Jesus for snatching me from the fire of a life in ignorance; unaware of the journey and what’s available in this world. God you have rescued me from an impending death to a life I had no knowledge of its existence. Lord you have transformed my heart, soul, and mind transcending culture induced restrictions, and released me into an unlimited realm of possibilities. I will not enter this new life just far enough to be safe. I shall seek wisdom in the visible and invisible, as heaven and earth collide I will risk it all too truly take of the tree of life. I ask King that your spirit give me discernment so as to I shall not be deceived as I investigate the forces of this world. Hold me accountable Holy Spirit for I am to be pitied if I fall into a false reality. An ancient proverb says, “The devil is in the details,” so I shall tread with careful precision while fearlessly standing upon your grace. There is no vain ambitions father; for you give the desires of my heart as I delight in you.
“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.”
Psalm 37: 5
