Sisters,
Step quietly to the side and ask God to reveal your brokenness to you. Then as you see the truths to your fears do not push God’s comfort away. I wrote a blog to our brothers a few post back and I have struggled writting one to us women. It seems as though perhaps the gentle and tenderness of the spirits I know are buried deep with in us can’t be spoken to in the same manner as I speak to our counterparts. But I still want to speak to women about what is expected of us. I watch people interact in relationships and taken some pretty honest notes about my own mistakes and what I have observed. I am going to try and explain this in the most sensitive way I know how.
You are not in the entertainment buisness. You’re in the Jesus buisness:Part of being who we are as women, we desire to find emotional and physical security in men. I would say some of the issues we run into with this however are part of the deprivation of the fall. Perhaps you’ve been in the situation I am about to describe. I have more times than I would like to admit. You get use to a guy being there and then all of the sudden the thought of loosing him causes you to tighten your grip. You may loose track of some of your boundaries or say and do some of the most nonsensical things. Even if it takes every inch of your amazing strength, let go of the control. Start to train your mind to fight the curse of your flesh. Know that you are not suppose to spend your time in the entertainment buisness but the Jesus buisness. Walk deeply rooted in his word. Don’t shake in it for anyone.
Write down your boundaries while you’re still sane: Sit down and write all of your boundaries down based on the Bible and your experiences. Put them in clear view and do not part from them. No matter the person. Build up strength to say clearly and thoughtfully where you stand when someone who may not know starts to cross them. Brothers or potential, your boundaries are universally applied. It is so important to learn how to be brave about your list. Before starting anything with anyone, sit down and show them your list. If they ask to compromise or want to see if you will erase the ink, it is ok to say “I don’t think this will work”. Because let’s be honest, if it means changing what The Lord expects of you and compromising your comforts it won’t. Do not part from that list until you have walked down and said “I do”. Then you have the opportunity to write a new one with your spouse, because boundaries exist in marriage too.
Let go of your daddy complexes: In this world we live in today there are more absent, poor leaders, or abusive fathers than I would like to see. It takes a lot of gut to admit you have a daddy complex. But it’s important you know you do. When things get rough and you find yourself running to men instead of God you know the root of the problem. It’s so crucial you start to fight this. The things your father should have spoken into you and guided you in is found in scripture. Dive deep into it, figure out the things you may have missed in your youth with in scripture and throw yourself on the truths. Fight and take every thought captive that may speak against scripture. All the comfort and advice is buried in the pages. Seek it. Speak against your daddy complexes.
Focus on God: train every inch of your body, heart, and mind to want to seek God. Learn to control your actions and mind to desire him with every breath and step you take. Anything that becomes a distraction eliminate it from your life. Fight with every piece of you to desire God’s will for your life. Even when it stings and hurts, praise him in your being made pure and holy.
Stand firm in your convictions but have a mentor: Emotions can have us convinced we have the whole world figured out, but it’s really important that a woman has a female, and I would argue a male mentor. It’s important to stay biblical when your mind is in La La land, and mentors help with this. A male mentor has been helpful in my life since I do not have a very strong father figure or interaction in my life. This male mentor might be the husband of the female (which it is in my case, and very effective) Your female mentor can help you a great deal in applying what perhaps the male has pointed out. I wouldn’t say everyone needs a male mentor…But every woman needs an older female who is apart of their daily or weekly life. When you come bouncing in with ideas for your future and love life, mentors help you stay focused.
Lastly, don’t be a busy body: Don’t spend your time manipulating situations between your friends, their love lives, and your own. You can offer advice, but be careful not to take and turn large groups of people away from others. Just because you have an idea of what you think would work and not doesn’t mean it’s The Lord plan. God is very mysterious in how he places personalities together. Don’t let your views, strange loyalties, and grudges discourage someone from seeking the Lords will in their lives. Don’t manipulate situations. I often wonder if people prayed more and stopped manipulating things who would have ended up with perhaps people God wanted together quicker and less stressed out.
It is so important to remember you are loved by God and that The Lord made you the way he did because he loves you. Pray often that The Lord covers you in love and stay strong.
You are a woman of dignity.
