My house was cold from the cold daunting breezes of the end of January. I laid in bed trying to find internal peace. Let go of Ecuador the spirit prompted… “No God!” I found myself saying into the cold still air of my apartment. I started crying and grabbing onto my vision. My vision propelled me into wanting to be a missionary. But had become an idol in my head. The dream I had as a new believer 10 years ago became everything I was living for, not God. “I had to make it to Ecuador to be a missionary” had become my focus. My idol had already formed other idols in my head. I had made being a missionary an idol. A polytheistic Devon idol kingdom. I started crying, I longed for a country I had never been to. It was my dream to see what was on the other side of my vision… But was my dream selfish? Let go… the quiet voice said. “No!” Route 3 was my route because route 3 had Ecuador. Devon let Ecuador go so I can do my work through you.
I walked into my bathroom to take a shower, maybe it would calm me down and warm me up. I was determined to make Ecuador my life… Wait, Devon, Jesus is your life! Nope… Maybe he wasn’t at the time. My feet hit the freezing cold plastic tub and I tried to find warmth in the small circle of water. But then I hit the ground, my whole body pressing into the cold tub. I started wailing. I had to give it up. I may never go to Ecuador but God wanted to use me to my full potential. I cried for hours till the water was as cold as my apartment. Why did God give me a dream I may never live to see? I began writing a sermon about sacrifice shortly after that. It was about Abraham and Isaac and the sacrificing of a promise. I posted it a while back. It was called “Where is the Lamb” (click this quote to be directed to the audio).
Ecuador was the only thing holding me captive to route 3. But recently a need in another route opened up. They need people to go to these countries, they don’t have enough people and they were looking for people willing to make the change. They were also looking for people to participate in a project. People who believed in the heart behind the project. I told God that January night to use me where there is a need. Not use me where I wanted or I felt I should go… But a need for the sharing of the gospel.
I sat through a conference call last night and felt the project was everything art school had prepared me for and this morning emailed my mobilizer saying I wanted to move. Another racer who studied photography and I messaged each other after meeting each other through listening to the conference call. We spent three hours on the phone last night and plan on praying The Lord moves us to the other squad every night for the next week. So join in prayer.
I don’t know if they will move me yet, but I am sure they will once the spirit gives them the ok. But I may not be going to ANY of the countries I thought I would. But really… That’s what’s the coolest part.
Have you ever had a dream that God asked you to give up? What was your experience like?
