I want to be open and vulnerable with everyone that may stumble on this page. For most of my life I have been someone who has felt the stress in explaining who I am to people and discontentment when I pour my heart out and my pearls get trampled. I’ve tried understanding myself through phycological and scientific tests. I’ve put myself in boxes… Then explained myself in boxes. People out of respect interact with me according to my box empire. On the race we live and do life with people 24/7. People see every little moment of emotion and struggle we may have been able to hide in the comfort of our own little world.
At the beginning of the race I bounced into training camp super hyper and excited to meet people. My label became “E”… Extrovert. I remember maybe not being an extrovert but using it to explain myself the entire time at training camp. But, looking back I don’t really remember being an extroverted me… I just remember struggling with fears of rejection and getting excited to start clean with a new group of Christians. Nobody knew me, so I could practice some of the things God had shown me that I use to struggle with my old group of friends. Trying to find the “positive” Devon. Me coming out of one season into another….
Then four months into my race I went quiet. “I thought you were an extrovert?” were some of the questions I got from people … I was quiet because I really liked Thailand, the kids there, and I liked writing music because it made me feel good. I was content with whatever I was..
Month 6 we ran into issues with the “F” and the “T”… Feeling and Thinking… I scored really high on thinking when I took the test the race uses to evaluate us. But, Nepal was hard. We had a lot of new experiences and I felt a lot that month. I cried a lot. I got angry often. I even felt like quitting the race. I felt a great deal. What was happening with me? I am not “suppose” to be this way… but really, thats just how month 6 went.
One of my biggest struggles in my Christian walk so far is my box empire. My desire to make sure I make sense to the people around me. So, I explain everything in the appropriate boxes instead of just being and letting people pursue to get to know me in time. I’ve never met Myers or Briggs, so who are they to tell me who I am? I met Jesus when I was 13 and have known him since. He tells me that
I am Love
I am Peace
I am Kindness
I am Joy
I am Self Control
I am His…
I like those results better…
For all of you entering training camp, when they tell you your Myers Briggs, smile and say “cool” (because they will use it to make strong teams), then close your folder and forget about it. When people ask you what your letters were say. L-O-V-E. It’s ok that AIM uses it to help in the office, but its also ok for you to just see where the race takes you and let yourself simply just be.
I’m currently taking things out of boxes and putting it into the house God has made for me. Flooding the gaps between lands of my mind. Watching God bring together everything I need to find Him in my life…
