October 16th:
Today I went to the jail. My eyes locked with the young teenage girl’s brown eyes tighter than the bars that held her captive. She lived in two jail cells. One with strong doors to keep her physical body trapped the other seemed to cover her brown eyes holding her fear deep with in her mind. My eyes would part from hers but those piercing and emotionless eyes never moved from my body. She was young, but the youthful innocence of her face was not a good reflection of the state of her life. I spent time from a distance building her trust by smiling with the hopes to get a smile back. Nothing. I knew that bars and cell doors can’t open with out a key. With that being said a person can not open a door ten feet away. So, I walked up to her and sat down right next to her. I could bust her out of one jail cell, at least. I told the translator to tell her a simple statement.
“It’s ok to cry”
The cell door covering her eyes was opened as the tears of her fear wet her face. Only a child, she spoke about her baby, her alcoholic boyfriend, the fight, the attack, the arrest… It was her first day in prison. As she wept her tears screamed confusion and desires for a life do-over. Her tears wept for salvation from herself. For the past to be cleaned. Some of us have a jail cell over our eyes. One that keeps us captive. One that tells us not to cry when life gets hard, when we mess up, when hope feels lost. “It’s ok to cry.” Our savior once wept.
