When you decide to leave home and comfort for nine months to travel the world and share the love of God with everyone, the realization of what you decided to do eventually hits you. For me, this realization has been dawning on me over the past couple weeks. A month and a half into the journey, I’m realizing that I still have seven and half months left away from family, friends, and the comforts of home.
“What was I thinking?” I keep asking myself. “What have I done?” I’m thousands of miles from my home. In some regards, I’m homeless right now. I’m just wanderer of the world.
I was thinking of this glorious journey God was calling me to where I’d save people, heal the sick, change lives, and change the world. I thought it would fly by and I’d never miss home at all. I thought I’d be so enthralled with God that I wouldn’t once think about everyone and everything I left behind.
The truth is, it’s hard. It isn’t the glorious, glamorous journey I thought it would be. Don’t mistake me; I don’t regret coming, and it has been an amazing experience. It just isn’t what I had expected. I miss home. I miss my family. I miss my rock climbing gym. I miss my bed and my hot shower. I miss my closet. Living out of a backpack, though wonderful for it’s simplicity, is tough. I’m already getting tired of the 6 shirts I brought. Life on the race isn’t glamorous. I had romanticized it in my head, and my expectations were wrong. When this all hit me, I was hurting for a while.
But you see, my wonderful mother thought of the idea to collect nine letters from special people in life to send with me. I have one for each month of my race, and I opened one of them on Sunday. The letters are all in blank envelopes, so I have no idea who they are from or what they are about. I chose a random envelope because as I flipped through them, I hesitated on one and decided that the hesitation was God telling me to read that particular letter. God knew exactly what he was doing when he stopped me on that letter.
My good friend back home, Ethan, wrote about exactly what I was feeling. Both of us are far from home currently. He is off at college several states away from Kansas, and I am several countries away in Nicaragua. He wrote about the mutual feeling we would both have of being homeless and living not quite where we belong. Then he went on to say that these feelings are part of following Christ.
Christ left his home to be homeless on earth. He died on this earth where he never truly belonged. His eternal home is in heaven. What I am feeling, is likely exactly how Christ felt during his time on earth. He missed his Father; he missed his comforts.
So, Ethan goes on to say, it is right that I feel like this. Christ felt it, and he found a community with the disciples and stayed in touch with home in prayer all the time. I have my community with my squad and my team. I have technology to contact my earthly home, and I have prayer to call my eternal home. The last page of the letter first encouraged me to press further into Christ, then he closed with a prayer from Saint Francis and an invitation to go on a road trip when we both return home next summer.
Life away from home is challenging. It’s uncomfortable, and at time, it hurts. I still miss my home, family, and friends, but I’m no longer sick with longing to be there.
So, what have I done?
I’ve embarked on a life-changing journey. I’ve left all my comforts and chosen to live as Christ lived during his ministry. I’ve put myself through challenges that will grow my intimacy with the Lord in ways I never would have grown staying at home. I’ve chosen to pursue God’s will over my own.
God is using this journey to impact me and the people around me in so many ways. Paul says in Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” No matter what challenges I face on this journey, I can always overcome because Christ is my strength.
