If I were to choose one word to describe my time here in Rwanda, it would be challenging. Every step of these last two months has been a challenge for me. I’ve been pushed out of my comfort zone in many ways. I’ve been broken in many ways. I’ve been lost in many ways. I’ve wanted to go home, and I’ve wanted to quit.
But you see, with challenges there comes growth. With hardship there comes strength. I always say that nothing easy is worth doing. I probably stole that quote from a movie or a book or something but that’s okay. I truly believe that if something doesn’t challenge you and push you then it’s not worth it. What’s the point if you don’t grow from it? What do you gain if it’s easy? What do you gain if you aren’t pushed through pain to new heights?
These two months have been painful for me. Painful in numerous ways. The entire first month I was battling my flesh with the desire to go home. I was watching members of my squad leave and wishing that I could go with them.
Every bit of my flesh was telling me, “Go home. It’ll be easier. It’ll be more comfortable. You will get to spend Christmas with your family. You won’t have to hurt anymore.”
I stayed, though, because I heard a tiny voice in my head saying, “No. Stay.” I knew that it was the voice of God. I knew it was God because it was different from my flesh. I knew because it wasn’t leading me towards the easy path. It was leading me towards “the road less traveled by” as Robert Frost would say. I decided to stay in spite of the pain. I can’t begin to tell you how glad I am that I made that decision. Even though it’s still hard sometimes, I would have missed so much of God had I left. I would have missed so many amazing opportunities and experiences.
That’s not the only challenge I’ve faced. This month has been full of challenging ministry. The first month we preached every night and did manual labor in the mornings. The labor wasn’t too much of a challenge because I don’t particularly enjoy doing manual labor, but the preaching was very challenging. For most of us, preaching was a scary new ministry we hadn’t experienced before. It pushed us all out of our comfort zones. In spite of nerves and fear, I started preaching. I started preaching often. Several times a week I would behind the pulpit in front of the church. I discovered through the challenge that I’m actually a gifted speaker. As long as I allow God to speak through me, I preach well. On more than a couple occasions, I’ve given sermons totally impromptu. I’ve preached without any preparation or notes. God just gave the words as I went. I was told in Costa Rica by some of my squad mates that they believe my calling could be pastoral, and for the first time, I’m starting to believe that could be true.
The last few weeks we’ve been doing door-to-door ministry. I have to be honest, that is a ministry I had hoped to avoid on the race. I couldn’t say no, though, when our host asked us to go door to door. It was hard for me at first. I was afraid to share the Word. I was afraid to pray. The first few times we went I didn’t share much, but Nic, our squad leader, kept pressing me. He kept empowering me by telling me to share or to pray. I’d ask him if he had something to share, and he’d say, “I think you should share,” or “I think you should pray.” It was hard and uncomfortable, but I’ve grown in it. I’ve begun to share scripture and to pray boldly. I’ve started to get over the fear and share the bold words that God puts in my heart.
I’ve faced challenges in community, as well. I won’t go into detail, but I had some conflict with a teammate. I wasn’t showing love towards the person, and I wasn’t treating the person like God’s child. The two of us had to learn together how to face the conflict, forgive each other, and love each other as God calls us to love. The scripture I always look to for love is 1 Corinthians 13 where Paul describes the importance of love and details what it looks like to walk in love. I began to read the scripture often and to pray it over myself and to learn to walk in it. Though I didn’t want to face the conflict, I had to learn. I had to push through the challenge, and I had to choose to love my teammate in spite of myself. Now I have a new friendship with that teammate. We are better friends than ever before and we’ve found so much healing because we chose to do the hard thing and face the conflict between us.
James 1: 2-4 says, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
James is telling us not to give up when faith gets tough. He says to be joyful when your faith is tested and challenged because it will make us stronger. When challenges come, that means we have an opportunity to grow. We will face opposition, but when we choose to press further into God rather than giving up, the growth we experience is incredible. So you see, the pain is worth it. The challenge is worth it. If it’s easy, then it isn’t worth your time. If it’s hard, though, and if it pushes you outside of your comforts, then you know it’s going to be a challenge worth fighting through.
