The Lord has been softly pursuing me through others. Lots of things have been unraveling themselves inside of me. Shame that I thought I’d put down has flared up along with hurt of stolen youth from sinful things I’ve done. This past week I studied Ephesians. My heart was grasped by the grace that’s lavished on us. We can approach God with so much confidence because he has made us free through Jesus.
“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them…. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible- and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.”
Ephesians 5:8-13
When I was at ministry this past week I got into a conversation with a girl on my team and our translator, John Carlos about the dreams and fears that accompany them. He turned and said simply,
“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and surely all these things shall be given unto you.” (That’s somewhere in Matthew I think, but not sure where…)
I think the things I’m being reminded this week is the basics of who Christ is and what he’s done. The act of the cross is so much deeper though than just being wiped clean. Being wiped clean is a big deal! The acceptance of Christ is a big deal! I now I have the Holy Spirit living inside me. Meditate on that for a second… That’s crazy. It’s not me that should be directing my steps, but the Holy Spirit in me. When I sit here comprehending that, the need to understand the next step goes away because it’s out of my control. And it’s so simple. It’s what you hear in every message at church, but the simplicity of it is really so complex because God is a God of depth and is so vast. We cannot understand Him. And me being me likes to sit and think about all this. I walk away from my self convos of thinking this through and I’m just boggled by how I don’t take in the depth of our price all the time.
There’s a couple visiting in our base this week. Their names are Kevin and Anna. Kevin came to ministry with my team one day this past week. He reminds me a lot of my uncle so it was super cool having him around. The first conversation I had with him ever, he turns to me randomly and says, “The Holy Spirit keeps telling me to tell you this. You have such a contemplative spirit. He wants you to just LET IT RIP! Stop holding back. Be confident in the Spirit. He lives inside you. You don’t have to constantly be asking Him to give you boldness, courage, and confidence because he’s already living inside you and he’s calling you to just walk it out even if you don’t feel it. He’s living in you and has equipped you! I want to speak 2 Peter 1:3 over you
“His divine power has been given to us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.”
There was more, but I went through the rest of the day and that’s all I could remember when I went to write it down. I grasped from it to claim who I am in Christ. To claim courage! To claim confidence! To claim peace in my spirit through Jesus! To claim joy! To claim boldness! Let it all rip out of you, Dest!
Lots of stuff has been brought to light to me in new ways this week. Things I keep thinking I’ve worked through comes back up, but I suppose it’s just another layer of the onion. As I was stewing over some fears haha I’m laughing at myself for the dear fact I overthink so much and usually work myself up in my own frenzy of sorts. (Something I’m working on not doing!) But anyway I had a thought come through of
“Chill… I got this! Do you not trust that I will provide? Look where I’ve brought you from. I didn’t want you living that way. I wanted my daughter back. I’ve provided for you. I have different plans for you. I have a purpose for your life. Darling, I’m working on you! Do you really think you have any control? Let me surprise you! Just chill.”
I don’t know about you but hearing just chill from God is kinda a chuckle moment. Fast forward though to a couple days later during feedback time with my team. (Feedback is once a week with your team. You give each person an affirmation and something constructive to call them higher in Christ. Can be a little unnerving at times.) But anyway Ak said, “I keep getting 1 Corinthians 13 on my heart for you, specifically loving patiently.” The next morning during devotions I dove into that chapter and prayed God would reveal if I was suppose to hear something because if I’m being honest I was kinda like what at first. This is what I heard…
“I’ve been loving you patiently. You strayed yet I pursued you. You become frustrated over the rejection, hurt and pain all which were consequences of your sin, but still I’ve held your heart, kept every tear, and loved you patiently. You need to love me patiently. The expectations of immediate healing, of immediate understanding, of immediate growth is not realistic. Be patient in me.”
This week is just one big WOWZA moment. Im working on not apologizing for who I am. God is so good. Thankful for the constant pursuit!
