So let me expound on my last blog a bit. As you can imagine, the last few weeks have been tumultuous. Training Camp is in exactly 1 week and as it has been approaching I have been getting more and more nervous and excited. Several times I have broken down in fear and nearly called my route coordinator to inquire about getting out. But God is faithfully nudging me along, calling me to surrender and to follow His lead.
My feelings and fears have been as such…
#1 I am not good enough. I have not been actively involved in a church or church family for over 7 years now and I am afraid that I will not fit in in the "culture" of the race.
#2 Money. Will I have enough? Do I have enough? What am I going to do when I get home?
#3 I will miss things. Weddings, funerals, the first year of my nephews life, trips with friends, my family, a bed, Pandora, Facebook, my iPhone, my job, co-workers, showers, shaving, smelling good, shopping, etc.
In my indecision I have turned to God repeatedly for answers, and specifically to His Word to guide me through my thoughts and feelings to get me to the place He wants me to be. This is why I was so ecstatic the other day and why I cried tears of happiness by myself in the middle of an airport. God lead me to the book of Ecclesiastes and as I read it I really identified with what Solomon was saying and how he was feeling.
See in the book Solomon is reflecting on his life and talking about how he sought after wisdom and power and money and all of these things but they were all… “like chasing the wind.” That is how I feel!?! Though I am only 26 I have done quite a lot in my life. First in my life I thought that a boyfriend or getting out of the house would bring me joy. Then I thought going to college and getting a degree would make me happy. Then I thought taking a job and making $$ would be where I could find peace and joy. No. God is the only place where I have found complete peace, love, and joy. And serving Him will be the most joyous experience I have had in my life yet.
So as Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes wrote his own little poem about there being a time for everything… here is mine!
This one’s for you P squad!!
Time to get excited. Time to get pumped.
Time to dominate squad wars and wear a 50 lb lump.
Time to represent the P’s and the Man in the sky.
Time to live in a tent, and serve our Lord on High.
Time to forget about fears, and things of this world
And focus on love, peace and joy
Time to leave for a week to prepare for a year
I hope those at home won’t forget why I’m here
To love, to serve, to grow through and through
So when I come back I’ll be better and new
I love you Lord and to all those who are reading
I wish you the best and God’s love may you be reaping
Love y’all!!
🙂
