So God has been speaking something to my heart about the upcoming year. It has been a process and has come through with time and openness to His word and Spirit but I know what He wants out of me and I plan to give it with fire and tenacity. And for once in my life, I feel completetly ready and equipped for it. Not perfect in it; but ready to make mistakes getting there and ready and willing with a big smile on my face.
For me, 2012 began with a list of resolutions. It is ironic even as I sit here now because exactly a year ago I sat down for the first time in my life and hammered out some real, raw, and personal goals, and (for once) I invited God into the process. For a long time I felt some divine inspiration telling me that I needed a time of singlehood in my life. Having ignored that for about 5 years I decided to finally listen and so one of my first goals was to stay single for the whole year (which everyone else thought was nuts btw). Another one was to save money, not specifically for anything but just because I felt I should. I ended up listing out about 20 things that I wanted to get out of the year. The list also included things like, "go on 3 camping trips," "visit your mom 3 times," "find out what you really wanna do with your life", and "love others more." For the first time I really opened myself up to God in this process and committed with my whole heart to these goals. (Ironically again it was a week or so later that I first stumbled across the AIM website).
Now as I look back on the year and at my list of goals; I realize that nearly every single one of them I accomplished and I am left feeling awestruck, asking myself how on earth I got here?!? I am amazed at how everything was checked off of my list and has come together to get me here; on my way to travel the WORLD!! However, as I have pondered this I am humbled in knowing the answer is that I didn't do it. I merely opened myself up to the possibility of it, had a little bit of faith, and was obedient to what I heard God saying in my life. He did the rest. Also what strikes me is that in my obedience, the doors were opened. As soon as I was willing to take those first steps towards him he met me, stepped in, and guided me. All glory be to the Father.
All of the things he spoke to me and I prayed for He gave me. And now as I prepare to leave God is speaking to me that it is now my season to serve, teach, give, and to be bold for His kingdom. I am NOT gonna lie, I feel OVERWHELMED! How am I gonna do this? What do I need to do to be ready? What do I need to change about me? What makes ME think that I am equipped or capable of this? I stress myself out thinking like this, and the enemy tries to convince me that I am not ready or capable of the great things God is asking of me. However, even as I write this God is speaking to me that just as He did last year, HE will come through, and it is in Him that these things will happen. I need only to be open to it and to relinquish control. Die to myself and replace me with Him.
Tonight I had the pleasure of going to a New Years Eve Church service at New Freedom Outreach in Ft. Collins, CO. It was a special service guided by the pastor who said He had a word for us about the upcoming year. I couldn't help but feel that I needed to hear what was said and that God had a message in it for me. He talked about "Kairos Moments," which are basically special moments in time that God has reserved for us. I believe this whole next year is a Kairos moment in my life and that all I need to do is be faithful and diligent to the things He has shown me. By doing this He will use me to teach and guide those I encounter. I needent worry as He is in control.
However, I do need prayers!! I am going out into the darkness of the world and attempting to be the light! Who knows what I will be met with and I am not too prideful to say that I cannot do it alone! I need encouragement and prayer and guidance! Please pray a spirit of boldness in me and a heart to do His will, whatever it may be. God has great work to do and I plan to do it to the best of my ability and with y'alls help! I am so excited to share in this journey with you and be a warrior for the Kingdom.
I also pray for all of you that you will have a year full of His glory, grace, and provision. That He would speak to you and reveal His plans for your life and that you would listen. If you haven't already, write out a list of things that you want for the year and that you believe God is speaking to you about your life and have the faith that He will do them. Also, be obedient and open to Him. However crazy or hard it may seem; He has plans in it. Write your resolutions with JESUS, because we can't do it alone.
I love you all, and I leave you with this verse.
"Declare me innocent O Lord, for I have acted with integrity
I have trusted in the Lord without wavering
Put me on trial, Lord, and cross examine me
Test my motives and affections
For I am constantly aware of your unfailing love
and I have lived according to your truth."
-Psalm 26: 1-3
