Something that has been on my heart a lot lately is the concept of honesty and how vital it is in our relationships. You cannot have a healthy functioning relationship without truth and honesty built into it. Have you ever had a situation where you know you need to say something to the other person but you just don’t know how to or are afraid of it? Doesn’t it change the relationship when this happens? It is as if there is a big white elephant in the room and you are not acknowledging it. It puts a wedge in the relationship and erodes intimacy.
I have had several situations like this recently where I knew I needed to be gut-wrenchingly honest with someone about something, but didn’t want to be for fear of rejection, judgment, or loss of relationship. However, even though it was hard, in each situation I chose to trust and surprisingly I was greeted with love, grace, forgiveness, and affirmation. Now I am not saying this will be the case with everyone you chose to be honest with, however, even if it doesn’t go smoothly I still think there is value and freedom in being honest. I also think there is a supernatural grace to grow and change in the midst of honesty and truthfulness.
Not only is it difficult to be honest with people sometimes, but it is also difficult to be honest with God about certain things. For example, when I got home from the Race, all I wanted to do was veg on the couch and cry for days and days, even weeks. In fact, the last thing I was interested in doing was going to church or learning about new ministries or even working. I didn’t want to do anything. However, because I was “supposed” to be on fire for God and “supposed” to work and “supposed to be a world changer I was out knocking doors trying to sell windows within 48 hours of being home. I denied how I really felt to my mom, to new friends around me, and even to God. Now I know this sounds silly but its true! And I don’t think I am the only one who does this.
The result for me after months and months of forcing myself to do things I didn’t want to do and denying my feelings to myself, my family, and God was a hardened heart toward God and the people around me. My lack of honesty put a wedge between me and my mom, and slowly it began to erode the intimacy I had so valued between us. The same thing began to happen in my relationship with God. I denied to myself and to Him how I felt about work, church, and ministry and it caused a massive amount of chaos in my heart and life.
A few weeks ago I had a dream. In the dream there was a girl named Desirae and I was assigned to greet her as she was returning home from the Race. I was so excited to welcome her home. I couldn’t wait to embrace her, to hear about her journey, and to love her. However, as I approached her and tried to hug her she shriveled up and rejected me. She said something about how I didn’t understand what she had just been through and that it was going to take her awhile to get over it. I was hurt in the dream and felt the pain of being rejected. I woke up and asked God what He was trying to say. He said pretty clearly that this dream represented how I had been treating Him and those around me since returning home. Rather than accepting love and being honest about what I was feeling, I shelled up and rejected love and acceptance. I didn’t want people to know I was hurting and in pain from all that had happened, that I wasn’t ready to just jump into new things and embrace the new season yet.
God, however, is a good God and has a plan to get us out of our worst attitudes and failures. The last few weeks (after my dream mind you) at RSM and on my online Bible course we have been talking about hardness of heart. It has helped me to deal with this and start putting behind me the hardness I have allowed to build up over the last 9 months. God has been challenging me to repent, change my mindset, and repair the bridge that was broken between He and I and in my relationships with those around me. And now my heart and my head are seeing and believing in the value of honesty, even when the truth is difficult. Because once we start to be truly honest about where we are at, change and breakthrough can begin to happen.
What painful truths do you need to face in your life?
Proverbs 51:6 “Behold, you desire truth in the inward parts.”
