Grrrr…
These are the noises I am making now as I am giving up. Giving it all up to God the Father. Why is it so hard? What trained me to be this way? Why do I desire to have so much control when I know it could all be lost in the blink of an eye? Why am I still, after all I have seen, grumbling as I give it all up to the one man I know has my back 100%?
The answer… I am human. And I am full of sin. And THANK YOU GOD he still loves me. 🙂
The funny thing is that as we give up and in more and more life actually becomes more and more beautiful and fulfilling, yet I fight this very thing. I LOVE JESUS!! I have fallen in love! I have been waiting for this kind of love all my life. It's like that innocent high school romantic love where you hold nothing back and just feel warm and tingly all over! And I have it! Yes!! But certain things are still hard… Why?
The answer… The world has callised me. I wear a protective layer over myself like a turtle shell that makes me untouchable and invisible to many. I want to rid myself of that! Rid myself of fear and judgement and guilt and shame. I want to walk boldly in His spirit and with His light! I am worthy! I am perfect because of the blood of Jesus Christ! I am worthy of love and affection and all this world has to offer!
It starts with loving Jesus, giving your life to Him and talking to Him, letting Him in. Then as you grow in this you learn to love others as Jesus did. This has been the hardest thing for me. I used to be so loving and carefree, until people hurt me, then I became closed and unloving. Now, as I come to understand perfect love, I am starfishing. (Thank you Stephanie Mae, this is her term I am using…)
= 
It's like anything though. It takes time. And effort. But it is getting easier and easier and God keeps pouring his love all over me and I am so thrilled to receive it!
Thank you God! (I think I am in need of a good round of worship, definately going to church in the a.m.) Lol.
Also want to give a big shout out and thanks to my supporters and to all those who have helped me get to this point. My mom, my Tonya, my brother(s), my family, friends, co-workers, my Sqaud, and so many more that have touched me in ways you don't even know. I love you all and thank you for your continued support and love. You make this life worth living and make me want to… Starfish!!
