It’s been three months, and here we are heading out of Europe into Manistry month in Malaysia. It’s surreal we have been on the field for 3 months, but at the same time it feels like home, this is where we are supposed to be. Being married on the race automatically puts you in the minority, and we know there aren’t a whole lot of married people blogs out there (in comparison) so here is a raw, honest, true look at married life on the race (so far)!
1. Want to have a conversation? Good luck.
You will be living with a lot of other people. And it’s easy to read that statement and go,”oh yeah! Can’t wait!” And it’s wonderful. It’s like living with a big family. It’s awesome. But eventually the newness wears off, and you’re gonna want the space of your own home. But trust us, you will learn how to find the space, and you will adjust to the limited time.
2. speaking of space, you may not always be together. We have been blessed to be together the first three months, but we are about to be a part for manistry month. While again, in theory it sounds like no big deal to some, when you are growing as fast as you do on the race, it can be intimidating to lose even a day or two with your spouse. We encourage you to push through it, grow in those areas, and take advantage of the time you do have.
3. Be prepared to give up control. This has probably been our biggest struggle. We can’t just make decisions for our family anymore. Even small things like taking our date night, eating alone just the two of us, how we spend our off time, are not up to just us. We have a team, and things have to be passed around through leadership sometimes. If you’re coming on the race, be prepared to have grace and patience for this.
4. Fight for your marriage. Most of the people you’re spending the next year of your life with aren’t married. Out of the 41 people on our squad, and our 4 leaders (not counting coaches) only two other people are married (our Carothers couple we love <3). It’s going to be easy for people to forget you’re there, forget your needs, because they don’t actually know. It’s OK! This is a chance to show them what a healthy, godly marriage looks like in a life of ministry. BUT something our coach said to us while on the field: “Ministry never stops. There is always work to be done. You have to put your marriage first, or there will never be time for you.”
5. Intimacy. Yes. Sorry mom and dad. Be prepared to get creative. Even if you have your own room, you’re still gonna be sharing a small living space with a bunch of other people. But don’t just not be intimate. You’re both going to need it more on this trip. It is so good to keep that closeness, vulnerability, and spark alive in crazy situations. *side note* be prepared to talk about sex. You’re gonna get asked. It’s a beautiful chance to talk about it from a biblical, godly perspective!
6. Ministry also will look different for you, and it is awesome! Different doors will open up for you, and take every chance to walk through them! Your team will support you both in it, and you will be amazed how much stronger it makes the two of you.
7. Date nights! Take them, fight for them, make them a priority! And let your squad see the excitement and romance. Derek “picked me up” one night in Romania from our room, and every woman swooned(including me). He walked in to the center we were staying in with flowers, chocolate, all dressed up ready to take me out. And ladies, that is normal, and find you a man that does that even after “I do.”
8. Don’t feel guilty for separating from the team for a night or two. It’s easy to feel like taking time away isn’t fair, but trust us, you need it. It’s better for you, better for your team, and better for your ministry.
9. Brush your teeth. Shower. All the hygiene things.
10. Don’t feel like everything in your marriage had to be out in the open. But also don’t feel like you can’t let your team in on what is going on with the two of you. Our team has helped push has through massive amounts of healing, but also remember there needs to be some stuff that stays just between the two of you.
11. Don’t be afraid of the race. It’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. It’s gonna stretch you. But God is going to transform your marriage into a beautiful ministry in its own way. There is something amazing about dropping everything early on in a marriage to serve in this way for a year. Can’t wait to see you on the other side!
*we have around $6,700 left to raise to stay on the mission field! Please consider financially supporting us and helping reach our next goal!*
