So many people are probably wondering what’s going on in my life overseas. Well I am learning a lot about The Lord and myself.
This life that I am living, with the Lord, is crazy. I don’t think I would have ever imagined what would come about during my time in the field, and God being someone who is faithful, in everything, still shows up and brings kingdom alive in my life. I don’t know why I was chosen to go, however, I am thankful for that choice, because this path is incredible.
If you would have asked me when I was younger what I wanted be doing with my life, I would have said I want to travel the world. Even though I was not a believer back then, God being the good Father that He is, sometimes gives us the desires of our hearts, but the twist is that those desires or plans will not look like ours, or how we would do it.
Traveling the world is a dream many people desire to do. Maybe on vacation or as a recreational activity. When I was younger that is exactly what I had in mind. But God, He is the master mind behind who I am today, and why I am doing what I am doing right now. This is what I wanted to do, but in a completely different way than what I would’ve expected years ago.
Now yes, truth is that I am traveling the world, but when I started this journey my heart wasn’t the same as when I was young. I didn’t go because I got to travel, see the world, and do crazy things. Yes, I get to do all of those, but please hear me on this, that is not what I wanted to do or why I came. I went because God gave me this, God ordained, desire to see my life transformed inside and out. He wanted to see me change and learn to live with abandonment. Traveling the world was the last in my priorities, when I chose to go. To be honest I didn’t even realize, deep down in my heart, that I was indeed traveling the world until Kenya, and I had already been gone for three months.
Something that I am learning right now is what does it mean to live an abundant life. Something that I wanted to learn long ago. Though it has always been something that He has wanted me to learn all along. It has been a long time coming, as well as a long process in learning.
During month seven debrief just last month we talked about, and went through many things. The one thing that resonated in my heart was “What is my why?”. Why did you go on the race? Before leaving, I got hit with a similar thing that stirred my heart up, and ultimately God made this thing my why.
My why was that I wanted to learn to live with abandonment, to walk with a different step, to live an abundant life. But what does that mean in my life, and how am I learning it. Well we have to go to the beginning of it all. When I saw what the world race has done for people, and how God uses the race to transform lives. I learned about the race from a friend. She left a completely different person then when she came back. She walks differently in her life now. It’s hard to explain what I mean by that, except the words an “abundant life” come to mind. Completely giving Christ the ultimate power in your life. Listening to The Spirit’s direction. When He says go left, you go left; when He says go right, you go right; when He says walk differently, you walk differently.
To live a life that is abundant, isn’t found in how many things you have or how much money you have, but it is found in being who Christ has made you to be, not who you think you are supposed to be. To abandon who you think you are, and become the man or women of God that you were made to be.
Making the person that is in front of you the most important person, in that moment. Being willing to be interrupted by Him to talk to someone; be willing to get your only pair of clothes wet; to love the hurt and broken people; to smile to the person that is not loved; to live a life that chases after the heartbeat of God. This is living a life that is abundant.
I could go on and on about what it means to have an abundant life, but I don’t want to limit it to what I think that means. God can only answer what an abundant life is to you. He created you to have an abundant life; He wouldn’t put limits on what He can do to fulfill that in your life and neither do I want to. When I started the race that was my why, it hasn’t changed.
Now, how does all of this apply in my life right now? Well I am a person that learns for trial and error. I have learned to live on the race. Life on the race has become comfortable. I’m in a place where being uncomfortable is not uncomfortable anymore. I have learned to live in community, however, I’m still learning this. I have learned to be okay with bugs, heat, sleeping on the floor, while living on as little money as possible. I have learned to do this thing called the world race. You might think that all of the things that we go through on the race are hard, but you can learn to live with them. Anyone can and nothing really is uncomfortable anymore.
During debrief someone told us the realization that these things that we thought we couldn’t do, we are doing, and that I don’t even think twice about them. I don’t even think about moving to the next country till the day of and sometimes I don’t pack till that day. This can be a scary thing if you stay, in that place.
I think I missed the mark on my why.
Thus, what do I do with all of this? Maybe these are all things I needed to learn so I can live an abundant life, but when I lose focus on my why, these are things I learn to deal with. They have no point. I will have to say that I have been in this place before, and I am not willing to stay there. I have no idea what needs to change or what I have to do. Only the Lord knows. I can’t fix myself, nor can I fix anyone else. I can only listen to what the spirit is telling me, and today He is telling me to share more.
If you know me this is a super hard thing for me. Sharing allows people to see me and know when and where to attack. But sharing allows others to look at who I am inside and not the person on the outside. Sharing allows others to listen, and I haven’t given them the time to listen. Sharing is where God has brought redemption to my hurts. Sharing shows how much I love God and others.
This is by far my biggest struggle in life, is sharing how I feel. Not sharing helps to defeat my why. It obstructs me from growing and becoming who God has made me. Its stops me from learning.
The truth is many people know me, but few know who I really am, and that sucks. This is what happens when you do not share your life with others.
I have written a blog about this exact thing. For the most part I just chose to not think about those things because it’s easier, but to be honest it effects all aspects of my life. I have learned how to cope with my stuff. This doesn’t help me grow. I have reached my limit of being a stuffer.
Though this will take time to find out how to share in the right way, I really want to work at this. I want to live a life that is abundant. And if it takes sharing to get there, well this is a must in my life. I don’t want to miss my mark anymore.
