“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-11
Month Ten: Moldova
Aka:
The End is Near…
I remember places like Thailand and Malawi and they seem like a dream from long ago. The Philippines feel like a friend from college I haven’t seen in years. It’s truly a paradox. On one hand, countries seem years apart, and other, it’s as if the race just started.
So with the impending doom of the inevitable coming into fruition, the topic on everyone’s mind has been:
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN YOU GO HOME!?
I can get into that, but that is not the main topic of this blog however.
FEAR
WORRY
PANIC
These are some common emotions that are normal at this stage on the race.
But you know what?
Somehow…
I am calm
Everything is fine
I’m fine about the future that is.
I’m perplexed about the present.
I’m always in my head and critiquing ever little thing I do.
Truth be told, it’s always the present I have more of a battle with than the upcoming unknown.
And in this battle of the present, God has shown me yet again that that battle is already won…
Allow me to shed some light on what I’m talking about.
Last week we had a “Leadership Development Weekend” (LDW) in the city of Bucharest, Romania.
On one night in particular, we had a night of worship and the word, focusing on the life of Gideon.
Gideon was a dude who was from the least of all the clans, and the least within his clan.
What a bummer…
NOT REALLY!
Despite these shortcomings, God chooses to use him, and He even calls him “Mighty Warrior”, even though he definitely would have never called himself that.
Now I’ll be honest.
I know this part of the story of Gideon and it DOES apply to what I’ll share BUT…
I have no idea if it’s what the lesson time was about because I wasn’t paying attention!
Not in a disrespectful way!
But I was being guiding into some crazy introspective/reflective time.
Before we went into the word, the night was focused on what are we afraid of and in what way do we see ourselves as “weak”.
(Again, I THINK that’s what it was about? Either way, that’s what I went with! 🙂
So anyways, with that in mind, I took to my pen and journal and began writing whatever God put on my heart.
This time around, my writing went into more brutal honesty:
Writing another spoken word on various shortcomings, admitting horrible selfish tendencies, and confessing my deepest of fears.
I was on a roll!
I was coming clean yet again. A constant theme for me on the race has been reaching new levels of transparency and honesty which I can tell you brings more freedom in your life than you’ll know what to do with it!
I was almost finished when there was an interruption to my pen stroke flow.
At various points in the meeting, squad mates would share what they were fearful or apprehensive about regarding the race ending and having to go home. The leaders asked if anyone had anything left to share before they closed up shop with one last song.
THEN BRYCE SPOKE
Stop there
I don’t want you to miss this…
THEN
BRYCE
SPOKE
3 weeks ago, in our countryside abode in Romania, Bryce went jogging to our ministry site and rolled his ankle. He had been hobbling and limping around with a lot of difficulty that whole time. Having to carry heavy packs on travel days and jumping out of a moving train (true story) didn’t help either.
Bryce stood up and told the squad he didn’t have a fear to profess to us all about going home but rather a fear of us!
He was afraid to ask us to pray for him.
He was afraid to ask us to pray that God would heal his ankle.
There are a million “what if’s” that can swirl around your head regarding whether to pray or not to pray for somebody.
But Jesus tells us to pray at ALL TIMES.
What if nothing happens?
To that, I ask right back:
What is something DOES happen?
Isn’t that at least worth the risk?
‘With man this is impossible, BUT WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.’
~ Matthew 19:26
(photo cred: Lydia “Lyd the Kid” Burns)
After Bryce shared his reserves, he stood his ground and asked us if we would gather around him and pray for his ankle, that he would finally be made well.
It was like a light switch went off in my head.
Here I was feeling super confined to this negative ideas I had of myself, dwelling on all my shortcomings, downfalls, and fears. And in an instant, I heard Jesus speak to me and say:
“Derek, you know who you REALLY are. Stand up! You know what to do.”
In an instant, I couldn’t tell you what it was (except for Jesus and the Holy Spirit) but I dropped my journal and made haste towards Bryce as everyone else was quickly closing in.
Immediately, God reminded me of a word to give him. I recalled a time in 2013 when my ankle got sprained before a big skate trip with my Underground Skatepark crew. I was super pissed about the situation and maybe even more so at God.
I remember limping into church on crutches the following Sunday morning, still mad at God for these uncool circumstances (because I’d been dreaming of skating on this trip all year). During worship, God asked me why I was so upset. So I explained of course.
Then He said something that changed everything:
“I told you to go Derek. You don’t need a skateboard to do skate ministry. YOU just need to GO”
In that moment, God sobered up my heart and mind, and I asked God to forgive me for all my anger and bitterness.
It took God healing my heart before he could heal my ankle.
And truth be told: EVERYTIME I had to skate on that trip, God would heal my ankle and allow me to skate pain free! It’s all a crazy story, but that’s for another time.
I encouraged Bryce with that word.
Sometimes in order to fix what’s on the branches, you gotta pay attention to the roots.
Pain is just a branch that grows off of something else.
That something else could be unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, etc.
When God can take care of those things, those roots, first. The branches seamlessly fall off.
I invited him to pray and have a moment of coming clean before we would all pray.
There’s nothing more beautiful that an honest, heartfelt, sincere prayer from a child to His heavenly Father.
For real.
We prayed and he began feeling a difference!
But I know Jesus is way more capable than just healing him a little bit. He can restore all things to being brand new! So we went back at it.
I challenged him to dance!
And no joke, homeboy could dance! Bryce was hopping on the steps ON THE FOOT THAT HAS LEFT HIM LIMPING FOR 3 WEEKS!
“It’s completely better!” Bryce said.
Jesus 100% healed Bryce’s foot!
That’s the Kingdom right there.
Numerous times in the Bible, healing begins when a person SPEAKS UP out of a desperate place for Jesus to give them just one single touch. And it’s their faith in that place that He says heals them.
“THEN BRYCE SPOKE”
The rawness of that action totally mimicked and mirrored those interactions in the gospels I believe. And God answered that desperate cry.
After that we invited anyone else up who wanted prayer.
Our squad mate Shelby had been dealing with severe migraines throughout the race and had one at the moment. Again, we went for it.
At first there was no big difference, but Scripture says:
“We do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved” ~ Hebrews 10:39
Knowing that WE ARE those who have that faith, we went at it again and you know what?
Shelby got healed too!
The night continued as we prayed for other squad mates where God was still moving and doing work in some hearts. We closed up shop singing “It is Well” because despite whether God shows up and heals us or doesn’t heal us:
STILL OUR LIVES WILL SING IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL
Good times or bad times
God IS still good.
Why did some get healed and some not get healed? I have no idea, but I’m always believing that God is ALWAYS moving somehow and in some way. We’re just called to be His hands and feet and be obedient.
God IS always good no matter what the outcome.
After seeing God move in such a crazy way, I went back to my journal to finish my poem and realized:
Crap! I can’t finish this now!!!
I was writing about how I saw myself has weak, fearful, etc. and then God just used me to step up and lead a miniature healing service!
I had to laugh at the irony but I think this is exactly what the apostle Paul was saying. In our times of weakness, we may be the strongest. And you know why that is?
Because in our weakness, we have no power to boast in.
I was feeling weak in that moment, but I know Jesus is so much greater.
Jesus was aware of how I felt about myself in that moment and he did that proverbial slap in the face and reminded me yet again:
“It’s not about YOU Derek, it’s about me. It’s not your strength, but mine”
It reminds of a line in a song from the band Showbread that says:
“Instruments make the best sounds as they’re breaking”
I just think it’s rad how despite how we may feel about ourselves, Jesus is constantly trying to get our attention and remind us of our TRUE identity.
And also despite how we feel about ourselves, God still wants to use us! That’s crazy! (But hey that’s just how JC rolls)
Like Romans says, we ARE MORE than conquerors! Now, conquerors are pretty extreme, macho, and crazy already. And we are MORE than that?!?!
So, no matter how you feel about yourself, throw those words aside. It’s okay I think to have fears and problems. If we didn’t have those, there would be no room for growth. Then life would be a total snooze fest.
But don’t forget what Jesus says about every single one of you.
Don’t give in to the defeatist attitude that roars like a lion, but succumb to the voice of Truth that speaks softly in the gentle whisper.
And you, believers, don’t forget who we are or what we are capable of through Him (and it’s ALL about Him not us):
“And these signs will accompany those who believe…they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well” ~ Mark 16:17-18
