Waves may forever rage
Storms will never cease
But He is my umbrella
My everlasting peace
(Excerpt from my poem written about this adventure, “Jonah and the Tiger”)
Life is good.
Especially after you’ve just completed your first country, met some amazing new friends, served the Lord in various new ways, and then life throws you a curve ball…
OR SEVERAL…
We arrived in Thailand in the beginning of February and I had two things going against me leading into our All Squad Month of ministry:
- I was dealing with my case of MRSA (which was not fun at all)
- And I was feeling like the black sheep of the Squad
Neither one being the most fun place to be in, especially at the start of a new country/ministry.
But despite how I felt emotionally, or how my health was beginning to be such a nuisance, I still had this reassurance that it was going to be a good month. I mean, C’mon! It’s Chiang Mai Thailand! The second most desired country I had on my route!
And the first night session we had here, we focused on declaring freedom over our lives. Just like this giant traveling backpack I carry, I was carrying a lot of weight in my “spiritual backpack” as well.
This first night, I was able to finally let go.
I was able to let go of my fear of being alone.
I was able to let go of what the outside world thought of me.
And most importantly for me:
I let go of my anxiety.
(As a symbolic gesture of “letting go” and walking in freedom, we wrote down what we were letting go of on this lanterns and sent them flying into the night sky. )
Words cannot express how ecstatic I was in that moment!
Something that had weighed me down so stinkin’ much, especially the two months prior to the race, was finally lifted off my shoulders.
Life was good again…
Until another big curve ball was thrown:
“You are no longer going to Ireland”
This words didn’t sink in at first because I was too shocked at how crazy a statement it was.
Then it hit me:
“I’m not going to Ireland anymore…the country that was the main reason I chose this route over the others…my dream country since before I can ever remember…gone.”
I was trying to come to terms with the fact my route was being changed and was switched to Ukraine and Budapest, Hungary instead when I got my next bit of wonderful news:
“We’re gonna have you step down from being a Team Leader…”
Okay…I guess I can do that…at least I still have my team!
“Oh…and we’re moving you over to this new team.”
…………………………………………..
I lost my most desired country.
I lost my leadership position.
I lost my team.
In the moment, I could not understand why any of this was happening, and then the unthinkable happened.
I felt this indescribable peace come over me.
In a moment where I would normally be wrecked with sadness or anxiety or frustration:
I was overcome by PEACE.
Jesus says in John 14:27 ~
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
Jesus has a plan.
He brought me on the race and Ireland was like the bait.
There’s a bigger reason I am here than to fulfill my own desire to see Ireland.
There are people in the Ukraine that need love, help, compassion, and Jesus.
This route change doesn’t surprise God. HE knew it would happen all along and I take comfort in knowing that He is constantly in control and I’m along for the ride!
He wants to teach me.
He wants to show me new things.
In stepping down from leadership, I’m able to focus on myself and worry less about others. During leadership, I have a tendency to focus too much on everyone else’s wellbeing and neglect doing what’s best for myself.
Now:
I’m in a place where I can spend time with the Lord and stretch myself. And already in the first two weeks alone, I learned more incredible, subtle lessons about His love, and myself than I have in the past few years.
And this new team has welcomed me in with open arms, which I’m super grateful for. I mean: look at this fun bunch:
For the first time in a long time, God has stirred me up to begin writing my poetry again!
And for the first time, I’m taking this challenge of taking time for myself to grow and become the man (not just the leader) I’m meant to become. I’ve embraced this challenge and I refuse to slow down.
So when life throws a curveball at YOU, ask yourself a question:
What is God trying to show me through this?
My hope is that you too will see a bigger purpose in your situation.
You have the ability to do one of two things:
Be defined by your situation.
Or
Define your situation.
I will choose the latter.
