“And how long will be blame the devils on our shoulders,
And pose like angels on the outside?”
~As Cities Burn, “Terrible, how terrible for the great city”
This month in Cambodia was a good month consisting of teaching Bible and Public Speaking classes at the Theological Seminary and, on the contrary, a fair amount of downtime to be honest.
Normally, I want to just GO GO GO GO!!!! All the time. BUT this month showed me that there was something to be learned in the stillness.
That something…
Was Honesty and Openness
After reading the books “Scary Close” (by Donald Miller) and “Bad Christian/Great Savior” (by Matt Carter and Toby Morrell from Emery) during my downtime, I began to reflect on what I was getting from them.
Both books focused heavily on the topic of simply being open, being real, and not pretending to be somebody that you aren’t.
Donald Miller talks about this vulnerability in that, we have a tendency when we walk out on stage, to portray ONLY the image that you WANT the audience to see.
And I’m guilty of that.
And Matt & Toby write about God-fearing believers in the Bible who did horrible, unspeakable things, such as David, YET David was seen as a man after God’s own heart.
Huh?
David was a dude who did just about everything else that the ungodly were doing, including (but not limited to) lusting after a woman on a rooftop, getting her pregnant, having her husband murdered, lying, etc.
And he…was a man after God’s own heart?
I try to walk a very fine line by the grace of God and I want to be a man after God’s own heart and I haven’t done things THAT bad…so what’s the difference between David and me?
David came clean.
David admitted his sin, and was repentant.
He made is sin clearly known and he would leave it in the past and praise God and give all glory and honor to God because God was able to change Him! He could see where he stumbled and screwed up and prove to David that he could and would still use him.
Why don’t we see more Davids these days?
In this day and age, we would look at someone with the tiniest fault and condemn them, and immediately cast them aside or lose faith or trust in them because they sin.
Christ died for the sinners!
We still slip up in some way shape or form, and that’s why we need God’s grace!
Not accepting that fact, is like slapping Jesus in the face, saying “I don’t need your grace, thank you”
What I’m getting at is, I’m tired of hiding all my baggage and all my shame.
I’m tired of only putting out the image I want to put out.
I’m like the Wizard of Oz, where I show this version of myself that may make someone “impressed” or “inspired”, etc.
That side of me IS real
BUT…
What you don’t see is the man who’s just hanging out behind the curtain.
You don’t see the times where I have given into fear, temptation, or depression.
In hiding those things, not confessing them, and not acknowledging them:
I prevent Jesus from coming closer to me, to remove that shame from my shoulders.
And my God, I just want to stop hiding who I am, who I was, what I’ve done, and accept the truth that my future can never be determined my past.
Jesus gives us fresh starts, and we may slip up along the way, but thank God for grace.
At this point on the race, I’m willing to lay down my pride and say, here am I.
The good parts AND THE BAD!
Because Jesus didn’t die just for the “good, wholesome, positive” side of me.
But he died for the ugly, rotten, sinful side of me as well.
I never want to be stuck in my struggles, but press on.
Just like Paul said in Philippians 3:12-14 about “forgetting what is in the past and straining on towards the goal ahead!”
Last month was all about freedom, and letting go.
This month is a continuation of letting go, and learning to be open, and honest, and no long attempting to hide.
James 5:16 says “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you will be healed!”
I want to be healed!
That’s what I want and I just ask for grace and forgiveness, remembering that what I’ve done, is not who I am anymore. And we’ve all been places we’ve regret.
BUT GOD
Is so much greater than our mistakes and He uses them to fashion us into the men and women He is calling us to become.
We forgive David for his sexual sin.
We forgive Peter for denying Jesus.
We forgive Paul for persecuting and killing Christians.
Why won’t we be more willing to forgive each other?
My “Coming Clean” is coming soon in Part 2 of this blog.
In the meantime, let us begin to just be honest and open with one another.
Because as I recently heard in the To Write Love On Her Arms movie:
“Secrets make you sick”
