China ohhh China !!! This has been an interesting visit. I’ve been a hero and a villain. A celebrity and a menace. A figure of excitement and that of pure disgust. Not really quite sure what to do with it all but smile and wave. It’s super cool to be back on the race and experience international traveling knowing what to expect and how people might react to me. (If you haven’t read my ” Being Black In Asia” blog go check it out). Being back in Asia is exciting because I am able to come in with perspective, insight, and of course the life-changing power of the gospel. Since I have the rare and cool opportunity to travel with 5 beautiful white woman we have been SWAMPED with pictures being taking (with and without permission) from old men to young women, little boy and little girls and yes you guessed it even babies.
On our 16-hour train ride from Shanghai to Xi’an we discussed our feelings towards our newfound local fame. Somewhere growing fond of being a local celebrity and others were completely annoyed at the lack of privacy and intimacy we unintentionally invited just from publicly walking around. Now don’t get me wrong I love pictures and honestly, if I was a tad bit taller I might have been a model but I left that all up to my bestie (Shout out to Dasha). When hearing feedback from the ladies I realized the difference in perspective. As a white American, I can see how it would be frustrating but I am oftentimes reminded that I play a completely different role than my sisters being a black American. When they see them they see ideal beauty that has been perpetrated around the world for centuries. In many parts of Asia the woman wear makeup that is 3 or 4 shades lighter then there complexion to model a more European look. Although white is beautiful it is NOT the only reflection of beauty (especially not for me #melaninpopping ).
When sitting with my new friend Emma during our daily English lesson she randomly stopped and looked at me. She said, “You know, I’ve always wanted a foreign baby, Asian babies are not very pretty”. I was so caught off guard and taken back that I closed her book and pushed it to the side. “What do you mean” I replied. “You don’t think Asian babies are pretty?” You don’t think you’re pretty”? She covered her face and chuckled “ No not very much”. She looked down playing with the sleeve of her shirt and smiling. I felt a knot form in my stomach as I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. I felt so many things from anger to sadness and everything in between. How could she say such a thing? She was an impressionable 14-year-old beautiful Chinese girl who would rather look and have foreign (white) babies. She goes on to describe all the beautiful features about the girls from the team and the reasons why they are so pretty (we gone ignore the fact that she was low key calling me ugly lol #SECURE). About 5 minutes into the conversation one of the girls from the team walks in and saved the day. I got the chance to walk away for about 5 minutes and cry my eyes out. MAN I wish she could see what I see when I look and her and in the mirror at myself.
Long story short we had the awesome opportunity to have an all-girls event called “Beauty for Ashes” a couple of days later. We got to talk to the girls about topics from Identity to worth/value. It might not have changed their lives BUT I have faith that it planted a seed of hope. When reflecting on China and all the lord had to offer I was reminded of 3 things.
- My love for Emma, SHES SO SMART and became a good friend during our stay in Xi’an. I pray to see her again one day. When we left the hostel she cried her eyes out. It broke my heart. I love you Emma.
- Our world is so broken and the enemy has an agenda using social media, and television to break into the hearts and minds of billions of people all around the WORLD creating disparity and hopelessness.
- Separate from Christ it isn’t humanly possible to love yourself. Christ is love so if you don’t know him you can’t possibly love yourself and others. The answer was, is, and always will be Christ. (1 John 4:8)
Unfortunately, Emma didn’t except christ THIS TIME but we are faithfully praying for her salvation and the salvation of her entire family. Please pray with me for Emma <3
