FACT: My husband and
I have under $50 to our name for the next two weeks till he gets his first full
paycheck.
I will admit. There have been some very stressful and
worrying moments. I struggled with lack of “having it all together.” Before we
left to travel the world we had great jobs and never had to worry about our
finances. My whole life I always had it
together; never really had to worry.
About a month ago I felt so lost in my faith walk. I was
missing my life in the past year and I felt so purposeless. I sat in my bed and
cried out to God. “ILL GIVE EVERYTHING UP JUST TO BE WITH YOU, AND TO KNOW MORE
OF YOU. ALL I WANT IS YOU” — So here I am, with less than $50 to my name. God is so funny.
While Mike was at work yesterday the reality hit me of our
situation. Then I was reminded of song lyrics that say something to the effect
that it’s not how nice our life looks that makes us who we are but it is how we
deal with the problems and pains that come our way that defines our character.
I then started to thank God, and at first thought to myself,
“well, all that matters is that I am blessed with a baby on the way, I have an absolutely
loving and amazing husband who cares for me better than I care for myself, I
have good health, I have a roof over my head, I have a great family, etc. —
Then I thought again. So what about the people who don’t even have those
things? What about the people that don’t have a home or a family? Are they
without hope and have no chance of joy or purpose?
I remember going to help clean up after Hurricane Katrina
hit, and realized that all the years that these people spent building up their
lives, their beautiful homes, their
pictures, their jobs and schools, had all washed away, just like that. It took years and years to build up those possessions
and they were gone just like that, in just hours. People lost everything. But really? Think for your own life? Is what
you put your happiness and faith in something that can be taken away just like
that? And if it is, what then? What do you have? Not to sound depressing, but I
was thinking about this for myself.
I then remembered what I have focused on all year; the
kingdom of heaven. I was reading a devotion where God is saying to us that he
wants to liberate our spirits so that we shall not be earthbound, but heavenly
bound. I remembered reading about Paul
in scripture who has been naked, cold, ship wrecked, thrown in prison, and
stoned (more than once), for the sake of the Gospel and the man was FULL of
joy. He talked about an inexpressible joy. I remember meeting a young man in
Africa (in his early 20’s) who had been stoned for his faith, his church had
been set on fire; but he never stopped smiling, he was driven further to spread
God’s love. Or the pastor of the underground church in China. He was tortured
beyond understanding, in prison for YEARS, without clothes and food, but he
worshipped the Lord with amazing joy and proclaimed the love of Jesus even
still today. I met a girl in Africa who had been paralyzed and sexually harassed.
We sat on the floor of her one room house and all that mattered to her is that
we all sang to Jesus and that Jesus would bring people to her house that needed
help. How can someone in such
circumstances keep going, keep loving and be joyful beyond reason? It can only
come from revelation of who Jesus really is and what the kingdom of heaven
really is. – the understanding that there is more than just this-more than what
we can wrap our human minds around.
So yes, I will stand thankful for my health and great
husband that I can have so much fun with even with no money, and a baby on the
way. But that is not what has made me more joyful than I have been in the last
month. It’s all Jesus. Scripture says
that grace is sufficient; and it is true. The world can take away my “stuff”,
but I will fill my heart with praise all the days of my life and hold onto the
joy and love that can never be washed away or shaken by an earthquake. For the
bible says that the kingdom of God cannot be shaken. And that’s the kingdom I reside in.
Just wanted to add:
Having nice things is not bad, just what are we putting our happiness and faith
in? Being good stewards of our money and responsible is also something God
calls us to. AND. For those of you who may not understand the Jesus side of
this blog, do not feel bad that we only have $50. Trust me, after traveling the
world, I know for a fact that we are FAR FAR FAR away from true physical
poverty in comparison to how millions of people are really living around the
world.
