Yesterday I was sitting in an alley in Vietnam. There are
many great air conditioned spots to go sit and read, but that’s not where the
general locals seem to go.I was sitting there reading, and singing for
who ever wanted to listen. Then the Love of God poured out on me so strongly,
and was filling me up so much, that I felt like my heart was going to explode
if I didn’t give that love away. I asked God to send me children to give the
love to. Of course, why would he not send his own little children to be loved
on, and three minutes later there were three street children surrounding me. I
got to spend ten minutes of sharing laughter, tickles, and Mikes oreos…..That
entire scenario is about a JOY that God has put in me that is so inexpressible that
it almost becomes frustrating at times to try to express, because it is so not
natural human joy, but so heaven-God joy. See? There really isn’t many ways to
explain it because it cannot be expressed with human terms.
So that is the start to what God has been teaching me these
past few days.
And moving on to help me piece it all together…
I go back to America in five weeks. I am so ready to see my family and friends. I
CANNOT WAIT. I want to sleep on a blanket outside and walk barefoot outside. I
want to make the best salad in the world, and to go rollerblading. I want to
see American open fields and rolling hills and drink lemonade while wearing a
machine dried sundress. I want to paint
with my sister and play piano. I want to sit on the couch or carpet with my mom
and dad in the mornings and drink a hot drink and read. I want to go on a
really long, uninterrupted run at Stony Creek and pick wild flowers with
Stefanie. I want to meet all my friends new babies and hear about their
weddings, and help my sister with her garden, and hear my nephew talk who wasn’t
even crawling when I left.
I recognize that these are all good gifts from the Lord.
Even lately he has been showing me how much he loves me and wants to give me
such good gifts, and wants me to enjoy every little part of my life. The picnics
and the rollerblades.
Although, he is balancing me out. I have never felt his love
so strongly and a desire to do all of those things in America so strongly, but
at the same time, that feeling of my heart exploding for the lost and the
broken has been stronger than it ever has before. Last night as I was trying to sleep I felt like I could hardly stay in my skin. I had such a desire to go
find the worst of the worst situation. Like a home of sick and dying people,
who have no one to clean them or to make them laugh, and I could do those
things for them. It felt like an addiction
I couldn’t satisfy in the moment.
Still piecing this together.
those things that I so GREATLY miss, and to enjoy my family and friends
probably more than I ever have before. But I have grown to realize my greatest
joy and desire. It’s not to be able to
have clean pretty skirts and wild flowers all the time. I have a NEED and a
DESIRE to give my love to the hurting and the people who do not know love. Yes, my family and friends are priority to me
and deserve and need just as much love as anyone else in the world, BUT I ask
the Lord to keep bringing me the “least of these.” I ask God to continue to send
me to the place that no one has yet gone, and no one yet has felt love and
where my skirts might get dirty. I want to be exhausted by the end of the day
helping and loving people, because there is this inexpressible non-human joy
that I have for that, that will far out weigh being able to peacefully
rollerblade around Stony Creek any time that I want. It’s God’s heart in mine. Working for the Lord
means laboring in love. Working for the Lord is my greatest joy. And when God puts love and passion in my
heart, it cannot be held in or my heart just might explode.
