AGO
Race I woke up from a VERY vivid dream. It was the type of dream that leaves
you with real emotions when you wake up. My dream was that I was in Cambodia.
In my dream I was in the slums of Cambodia. The dream was colorful and joyful,
at the same time heartbreaking. In my dream I had fallen in love with something
in the slums, that when I woke up, I was crying, wanting to go back so bad. My
heart was aching and longing for a love I found there.
it all would really mean….
working on a website for a ministry. I was reminded this month about my dream.
I was a little hopeless that my dream was really divine, and so I reminded God
about my slum dream. (If he didn’t already know)
there was a group going to slums from a church and I could join if I want. Of
course.
So off I went. Me and a few locals,
we walked into the slums with shampoo, first aid supplies, and fingernail
clippers. The children had open wounds, lice, scabies, and bodies needing
washing.
….LICE…. At first I began to hesitantly
wash each child’s hair…Oh Lice… Then I remembered the first part of my
tattoo….‘Unrestrained Compassion’…Ok God…What was more important? Me, possibly
getting lice, or these children being able to get a meaningful hair washing.
These children deserved to not be treated as though they were dirty and
untouchable. And that is because they are precious loved children of God. Who
doesn’t love a good head massage along with a shampooing?
I was then able to clip their tiny
finger nails. They just held their hands so still, staring at me with sweet
eyes while I was making sure not to clip their skin.
and hug and spin around…..scabies..infections….Then I would remind myself….Unrestrained
Compassion….beautiful…precious…hug them tight…
We then gathered all the children on
a clean tarp as the Cambodian volunteers would proceed to teach them songs and
share bible stories. I decided to go sit
among the children, and that is when my dream started to unfold into reality; a
joyful and heartbreaking reality that came at my surprise, unexpected.
A young girl was holding and trying to control a crying
baby. The baby was maybe 7 months old. She looked scared amongst all the children
and noise. I held out my hands and the
young girl handed me the baby. I took
the baby and gently led her head into my shoulder. Within seconds, the baby
stopped crying and went limp in my arms as I rubbed her back. I thought she was
sleeping until I noticed her hand had a death grip on my shirt as though
telling me to never let her go. I moved her so I could look at her and touch
her face. The sweet thing had scabs all over her head.
I then started to sing some worship songs to her. I got to
one part of a song where it says, “Lift your head. Let your eyes fall into
mine.” In that moment she fixed her eyes
on mine. It felt like hours after that. I
sang to her as everything else going on seemed to stop. I couldn’t hear the other
noisy children. I just smiled and sang as she NEVER moved her eyes from mine.
There is this song that uses words to describe what Jesus
would be saying to us. I started to sing it to her. “You don’t have to do a
thing, just sit and be with me a little longer, because I’m in love with you.”
After I sang those words something shifted in me. It was the
most intense feeling I have ever experienced. I don’t know what this is like,
but I felt like I had just given birth to this child. Like she was my own. Like
we belonged to each other. I kept telling her to stay with me a little longer.
I started to cry, I never wanted to let her go. It was pain to think that it is
illegal to adopt from Cambodia. Who was her mother? Why do I feel this way? For
what reason? The love between us was so powerful. I never connect with children like this except
my nephew. But even my nephew isn’t MINE, this child felt like she was mine.
As her little sister took her from me and started to walk
away, the little baby looked at me over her sister’s shoulder until she couldn’t
see me anymore. It felt like my child was being taken from me. The only thing that
prevented me from taking her, was that fact that it’s illegal to take children.
HA.
But it actually physically hurt my body trying not to break
down in tears. It wasn’t the time to let it out as the other children were ready
for my attention.
I came home to Michael and let it out, for a long time. I
just cried and realized that my dream came to a very intense reality. More than
I had expected it to be like.
God feels how I did. I asked God for his heart. This is how
he feels for each of us. It is painful for him when we walk away from him. He
desires us so much because we actually DO belong to him. He wants us to sit and
be with him a little longer. I know it was a feeling from the Lord to show me
how he felt for me and for you. He wants those who do not know him to come into
his arms, and he wants those who think they know him to come and BE with him
and do more than just acknowledge him; but to instead look intensely in his
eyes and in his love because he wants you to know how much he loves you, just
as I wanted that baby to know how much I loved her, just like parents want
their children to really know how much they love them. JESUS LOVES YOU.
(unfortunately I have no pictures of the baby. But here are a few pictures)
Worshiping Fingernail Clipping
