What is it that defines you? When you meet someone and they ask you to describe yourself – what do you say? Occupation, mother, father, son, daughter, recreational activities, music, TV, names people have called you or associated you with….the possibilities are endless. Yet, what happens when these things no longer exist? When you loose your job, you move, you loose your friends, your children don’t talk to you, you’re injured, you loose a limb, what then? Even as I write this it seems elementary, trivial; like it’s just an issue for insecure high schooler. That is, until I remembered that it’s happened to me – very recently. About 2 years ago I made a career change. I went from being a live in Family Teacher (like a house parent) for 7 elementary school boys to working 40 hours a week with our nursery school children. Suddenly I didn’t know how to fill my extra time. Whether I worked noon to 8 or 2 to 10, I didn’t know how to handle having weekends off or mornings off. It felt like part of me was literally missing. Without my boys around, I felt as though I had lost part of my own identity and I didn’t know who I was. I thought maybe it was the time of my shift – surely if I had a “normal” work week then I would have more time to socialize and get over this void.
So, I was able to move to an 8-4 shift with nursery school children. As the program began to shift how it was structured I was very excited to be a part of the planning. I had a chance to put together programs, create games, crafts, plan trips, make themes, decorate the room and various other things to help these amazing children learn skills they would need for preschool. Sounds amazing doesn’t it? I’ll even say I was really good at what I did. Aside from planning for their future, my favorite part was that I had something to fill my time and life with when I was outside of my 40 hour work week. I had an identity again.
When I wasn’t planning for work I was rock climbing or with Rob. That’s it. That is where my identity lay. Then I joined the World Race Missions trip. No more Mooseheart and no more rock climbing; but at least I still had Rob. And I was learning to strike a balance as we had ministry and limited internet. Then at the end of May Rob and I broke up; yup, that bite the big one.
Over the last few months I’ve had amazing ministry to focus on and I didn’t give any thought to an identity until the last few weeks. Why? Because we started to talk about going home. No world race community, no job, no boyfriend, I can climb but I’ll have limited money. All those things that I have tried to rely on in the past will be gone. I have really started to understand that an identity can’t be found in things, relationships, words, jobs or activities; because you really have no idea when they won’t be there anymore. Nothing is ever guaranteed in life.
There’s only one thing that this world can never ever take from me and that’s my faith and my relationship with Jesus. He is never changing. He is not confined to human standards. He created me, well all of us. When my identity is in Him, it doesn’t matter what I do, or don’t do. It doesn’t matter if I’m dating or single. It doesn’t matter if I scale mountains or sit on my ass. Nothing can define me.
It’s kind of like How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Christmas was still Christmas even when the Grinch came and took all the “Christmas stuff” away. Christmas had an identity that was rooted in something far deeper than decorations and food. Our personal identity operates in the same way…..if someone came and took away ALL the STUFF in your possession OR ALL the PEOPLE in your life, how would you define yourself?
