After coming out of some pretty intense living conditions in West Africa, I can’t deny that the majority of my squad was super stoked about the idea of being in Europe – something somewhat close to Western culture.
While Africa had some great lessons and pretty cool experiences like the one I shared yesterday about ATL, it was also brutal. I can say from personal experience that malaria is a real thing. There are different strands of it; some more intense, strenuous and even deadly than others, and out of 54 of us only 16 left West Africa without experiencing malaria.
Yes, I had malaria in Africa. I also had typhoid (at least that’s what the doctor told me, but I think I just had a random fever… but what do I really know?). And even though I wanted to be able to experience the REAL Africa, pooping in a cockroach infested squatty potty in a mud hut village for 5 days was slightly traumatic. At least we brought toilet paper, right?
Month 7 of the Race took us to the beautiful port land of Tivat, Montenegro. By beautiful, I sincerely mean BEAUTIFUL. The month started with our 3rd squad debrief, so we were together in a hostel for five days within walking distance of public beach access. Now, some of you know this, but for those who don’t here’s a little insight about me… I love the ocean! Like a deep love.
While I wanted to be many things when I was a kid (astronaut, professional basketball player, paleontologist, tornado chaser, etc.), there was one desire that stuck around for a super long time. I wanted to be a marine biologist. Specifically, a marine mammalogist. I fell in love with the ocean when I was in my single digits of age. Our family vacations in the Summer time almost always took place at the beach, especially after my grandparents bought a home out on the NC coast. It became a happy place. So, being near the ocean was a little like being home.
This debrief was pretty awesome. We had great sessions together, our hostel had air conditioners, there was pizza, and one of my favorite moments of this debrief was a baptism with our coaches from the States who flew out to be with us. Any of the squad members who wanted to get baptized were welcome to participate, and the baptismal would be the Adriatic Sea.
Another interesting factor about this month was that my team had no specific ministry or host. We were asked, along with one other team, to participate in something called Unsung Heroes (UH), which is kind of similar to the ATL stuff we did in Ghana. The difference is there’s an actual agenda.
Think about it, this organization has tons and tons of partnerships all over the world, but how did those partnerships come to be? Someone had to make contact with those partners, right? Well, that’s what an Unsung Heroes month is all about. Asking the Lord to direct us to people who are heroes for the kingdom, but perhaps their song has not yet been heard (Unsung Heroes). New contacts for the World Race to possibly join forces with. We were allowed to go just about anywhere within reason. Even other countries if we felt led.
This would also be the first time my team had actually been together… alone. That’s right. At this point we had been a team for 2 full months, but we had never experienced life together alone. We spent a month and a half with our entire squad. Then, we still had another team with us for those last two weeks when we lived in Yendi.
After the debrief at the beginning, I decided to keep my team in Montenegro for a few more days to focus on resting and spending time seeking the Lord about where we should go. The other teams left in staggered days, and we had around 3 days alone in the hostel. During this time many things were thrown around about what we could do and where we could go. We talked about Serbia, Croatia, Bosnia, Hungary, Greece, Albania, etc. Croatia ended up being the place the majority of the team seemed to feel was the direction we should take.
I felt uneasy about it, but agreed since it was the majority vote. And heck, it was another coastal country in the Adriatic Sea! Worse case, I spend a ton of time by the sea! I still couldn’t shake this feeling that we needed to go somewhere else, though. I searched and searched and searched for a place for us to stay in Croatia that wold be within our lodging budget. I even reached out to local churches and a YWAM base to see if they had housing available or even a sanctuary where we could stay. I either received no response, or they had no space. We checked into camping sites, but because this was the high season for tourism, prices were way over budget. It just wasn’t working, and I was beginning to stress out.
Then this weird thing started to happen. Every time I would bring up Airbnb or Hostelworld to look for lodging options in Croatia, places in Bosnia kept appearing in my feed. Specifically in Sarajevo. And there were tons of options in Sarajevo that were under our budget. I didn’t want to consider that option, though, because the other team doing Unsung Heroes went to Bosnia. Then there was this to consider…
I know it might sound weird because there aren’t really a lot of people in the US who know about Bosnia, but I’ve actually had this longing to go to Bosnia since I was a small child. Specifically to Sarajevo. I honestly don’t remember what triggered this desire in my childhood, but there’s a good chance that I have some subconscious memories of the war in the early 90s.
What kept running through my mind during this process was that Bosnia was just a distraction because it was a country I’ve always wanted to visit, and the cheap lodging prices were just temptation to make it seem like an easy option.
Still, Croatia was too expensive, but it was where my team wanted to go, and this whole thing was absolutely stressing me out!
Ugh! Why do I have to be the leader? Why do I have to be the decision maker? Why can’t I just make everyone happy? If it was just me, I would just go to Bosnia, but its not. I have others who will be affected!
If you’ve been reading these blog posts over the last several days, have you begun to notice some themes? Let me lay it out for you…
- Trust God. Just flipping trust Him, Denea!
- You don’t have to control everything. Just let go and let Him steer!
- Stop this whole people-pleasing, need for approval addiction. You can’t make everyone happy!
So, after an insightful and inspiring conversation with one of my squad leaders, Megan, who traveled with my team for the month of July, I was introduced to some great wisdom…
“Denea, if you’ve been seeking the Lord and His heart, and the desire of your heart is to go to Bosnia, maybe you just need to consider that your heart’s desire is His desire. Perhaps this is even why He put you on this team – because He knew your heart’s desire would lead you to Bosnia.”
Wow. I had never thought of it that way. Perhaps my heart was not changing because my heart’s desire was His desire. I truly was desiring to do His will.
Team meeting. I cried as I told them what was happening and where I felt we should go. And you know what? They supported me. And God showed up in some amazing ways while we were in Sarajevo. I will have to write another blog specifically about those things, but it won’t be today. I will share this, though…
To this day on the Race, there’s no other place I, personally, have connected with as much as I did that city. I loved it. It spoke to me. My heart broke for it. It’s estimated that in the entire country of Bosnia, there are no more than 700 evangelical Christians. 700!! That’s less than the number of members in many churches in the US! This is a country that is in desperate need of Jesus and His love.
Sometimes God gives us the desires of our hearts, and separately, sometimes the desires of our hearts are there for a reason. A dream was fulfilled when I was in Sarajevo, and it was proven to me that this one was a God-dream.
The journey to getting there was hard, though, and still continues this lesson I’m trying to learn – I don’t need man’s approval. I honestly want to be a confident leader. I desire to be decisive. I desire to go wherever God tells me to go no matter what, but my flesh gets in the way often. I let the opinions of others influence my path and decision making. In this moment surrounding Bosnia, my spirit won over my flesh. And one thing I’ve come to notice on the journey for this lesson is that when I let go, and have the courage and faith to move past my fears (fear of man), God always shows up and does some pretty awesome stuff.
Have I gotten better at moving past those insecurities since being on the Race? Yes. But I still fail at times. I can honestly say the most progress has been in the last two months for this lesson, though. You’ll here more about that in a couple of days.
