The past few weeks have been a complete whirlwind. I would have never expected my race to go quite like it has, and I definitely never expected to be back in Point Pleasant all so soon. Three weeks ago, I was in the ER in Ashville, NC (on my birthday of all days) after a bad seizure. It had been two months since I had any type of seizure activity prior to this one, so I just assumed that would be the only one. Boy was I incorrect, the seizures continued throughout the week. After having a hard conversation with my neurologist and my leadership I took a moment to ask God what to do. I was so conflicted, because leaving the field was not in my plan. After much consideration I made the hard decision for my safety to come back home to my neurologist and see if this could be a quick fix. Here I am three weeks later, still sitting in Point Pleasant. I have been doing SO much better, still have a little trouble with seizure activity but we are adjusting medication and I see my neurologist again Monday!
I have been going through a lot of emotions since I came home it was almost like I am going through a mini reentry. It surprised me how use to living on the road and living the missionary lifestyle I was. I cannot honestly say I have spent enough intentional time going through the past two months of the race. I can honestly say that those two months were the two of the best months of my life thus far. I have never felt such freedom, felt so in-touch with my feelings, and learning who I really am each day. Most importantly of all, I am learning how to put it all to the Lord and although it is super hard I am trying to surrender to him and his plan. This whole situation I am currently in was me surrendering to myself and giving this entire pause in the race to the Lord. When I was out on the field, I learned that I have more of a heart for people than I could have ever imagined. I literally fell in love with every person I had the opportunity to serve. I once said, “I cannot keep falling in love with all of these people, the goodbyes are too hard.” I was feeling heartbreak after each moment, in each city, and over each person. A very wise woman told me to absolutely fall in love with every person, I just have to learn to love them and then grieve the goodbye correctly. That is something I am for sure still working on.
My life at home has been strange to say the least. I went from 24/7 ministry to being in a house constantly, that was a major change. What am I doing at home is something I have been asked multiple times. In February I was in Memphis, TN there we went through a class and the teacher had words for each of us. Throughout this time, I have had a few people prophecy over me, and each time they have all been very similar (it’s like there’s one spirit). So, I have been told I have a power of intercession, and that I am meant to go to the nations. These are to VERY powerful things to be told. It took me a long minute to accept being called to the nations, and I just recently gave that over to the Lord. I am here in WV and my team is still on the field working to bring Kingdom in a rougher place in the country. I was not sure what to do with myself honestly, but then for some reason I listened to the voice memo. The first part said “intercession, intercession, intercession” I had not listened to this since Memphis, and I took this as a clue from the Lord to how I am supposed to be spending my time here at home. The best thing I can do for my team is literally sit down and intercede for them. Literally bridging the gap for my team as they are on the front lines in Philly.
My goal was to reenter the field by the last weekend of March. Due to the current situation going on with the Coronavirus that will not be feasible. My team is currently in Philadelphia, PA and are unable to leave the city until further notice. But we are so fortunate to still be on the field! Just a few days ago, the international squads were called home and their trip was stopped very abruptly. My heart was completely broken and hurting for those teams because I cannot even imagine this entire experience coming to an end. However, the US was just flooded with over 500 missionaries and I know in my heart what the devil meant for evil, the Lord is turning it into good. I am trying to remember each day to cast my worry and fear to the Lord. Living day to day and being 100% present where I am because home is where I am supposed to be right now.
