Have you ever held on to something so tightly that your knuckles turn white? Whether it be to the steering wheel is chaotic traffic, the railing on a bridge a hundred feet in the air, or onto a beloved stuffed animal when your mom threatened to wash as a child. We think if we hold on tight enough, everything will be okay and exactly the way we want it. I held on that tightly to my life before the race. I dislike change. Actually no, that’s not true. I hate change. I think its because I like order and when things go according to plan. The plan can be abstract, but I like there to be a general idea of what is going to happen each day. I like knowing that each day certain things will happen and I have to be prepared for that.
Well on the race, plans are a fond memory. My team likes to joke around that we made a schedule for ourselves yet somehow we’re confused when its broken. We don’t always know what time or food with come (dinner at 10:30 anyone??) or what ministry we are doing that day. On more than one occasion, we got all ready to go out and evangelize and then at the last minute, plans changed. And quite honestly, that made me so anxious. I want to be the best at any given task and that requires some preparation but how can I prepare for something I have no idea what’s coming? Also, I don’t know how many of y’all have ever expereinced “island time” but its so real. When our translator says she’ll be here at 10, we can expect her at 10:45…..ish.
One of our first nights here I prayed that I would find peace in this routine. And guess what? The Lord did not answer this prayer, instead He showed me something much better. He showed me what it meant to be in rhythm with Him rather than in a routine. Far too often our routines turn into ruts and I know I have fallen to that many times. How many times did I drive to work with no recollection of doing so? Or how many times did I walk out of church without remembering a single song played, scripture read, or lesson taught? Far too many times in my 22 years. That’s the glory of rhythm with God, there’s no agenda or to-do list, it’s simply a way to live in one accord with Him.
Now don’t get me wrong, this was not an overnight switch and suddenly I am rid of my scheduled brain. I’m sure there will be a time (tomorrow, maybe?) where something will happen not on my plan and I will not react with grace, but thankfully there is His grace for me in those times. Rhythm with God is so much more peaceful than routine with myself and I pray that in those moments of frustration and anxiety that I may still be willing to the Lord’s invitation into His timing.
It’s so hard to believe I have less that 2 week here in Colombia! Like what?? It’s been a month filled with such joy and laughter and I pray that in the months ahead I remember to look for the joy in all situations and the laughter too. With y’alls help, I am less that $3,000 away from being FULLY FUNDED, again like what?! If you’re interested in partnering with me in this season, please consider donating and help remove the burden of financial worry and I can fully be focused on the lessons of the Lord! Y’all are the absolute greatest and I love each of you so very much!
