I love making people happy. You can ask any of my closest friends, it brings me such joy and fills me up knowing the people I love are happy and satiated, and if I can play a role in that, oh man, am I on cloud nine.
I always was the “yes” girl. You needed something done? Ask me and if find a way to do it. You wanted someone to go with you on an errand? Ask me and if free my schedule for you. You need $5? Ask me and I would dig around in my wallet until I found the correct change. But the thing is, I thought all of these things filled me up. I loved having 3 lunches in one day with different friends. I loved being the one people could depend on to say yes. I laughed in college when my dry erase calendar was so filled I had no room to write “first day of class”. It became so much of who I was that it turned into the one thing I derived my sense of belonging from.
Flashback with me to senior year in college; I had two jobs, a position on my sororities leadership council, a full class schedule, and friends whom I wanted to spend all my time with. If you add everything up it equals way more than 24 hours in a day, but I didn’t care. I was determined to make it all work because people were counting on me. I didn’t want to let anybody down. I couldn’t bear entertaining the thought of someone being disappointed in me. I deemed my value in what I could do for others because for so long, I could do so much.
I had heard people say “you can’t pour out into others if you’re empty” and I truly believed that didn’t apply to me. I still loved Jesus so He filled me up and I was good. But the truth was, I wasn’t allowing Him to fill me up. I didn’t give Him the space to move. If He didn’t fit on my tight schedule that day, He was just going to have to wait and I would pray or read my bible “extra” the next day. Jesus doesn’t want an hour in your day once a week, He wants to be in every single second of every day and intertwined so much in your day that it is natural, not scheduled. But I didn’t listen to that small still voice in my head saying something was missing, instead I listened to the praise I got from the world.
Just as it always does, my world failed me. The schedule I had beautifully drawn in my planner wasn’t enough. The inevitable happened and my worst fear had been realized, I started letting people down. I wasn’t able to give my 100 to people because my 100 had been promised to too many. Now to most people, this is not the end of the world and they move on but that wasn’t what happened with me. Because I had placed all of my worth and value in what I could do for people, when I couldn’t do for people, I didn’t know who I was. If I couldn’t make people happy, I didn’t know who I was. Because that’s who I thought I was. That’s who I thought I was supposed to be. That’s who I thought people wanted me to be.
But that was not and is not the truth.
The truth is simple and it’s true for everyone, by ourselves we are not enough, but with Him, we are more than enough. 2 Corinthians 3:5 read
“Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God”
I had unintentionally and unknowingly put my trust and faith in myself over Jesus. I thought I had the ability to save others and myself. I thought I alone was enough. I thought I had to prove my worth and fight for my value. But the beautiful truth is, my value was already fought for and won in the cross. When Jesus said “it is finished”, I believe He meant that my doubts and insecurities were done. My desire for the worlds approval was over. The fight I fought to feel worthy was finished.
The value of something is based off what is paid for it and if I was paid for with Jesus’s blood, I must have a beautiful value.
I used to think that I needed the approval of those around me to feel valued and worthy. I used to think I had to please everyone to be happy. When in reality, I have value and worth Jesus and I am already pleasing to my Heavenly Father. I am His beloved daughter with whom He is well pleased. I don’t have to anything to earn this, all I have to do is embrace it because it is already who I am.
My name is Delaney and I am a former people pleaser.
