The room itself is not glamorous. It’s a few stiff couches around the sides with short tables scattered throughout. It’s a community kitchen with the hustle and bustle of travelers from all over the world fixing their nightly meals. It’s windows that shake when a plane lands or departs from the near by airport. It’s lights that are motion censored and turn off after just 1 minute of inactivity. But for the past week, this room was my battlegroud. A battleground where I fought doubts and fears sneakily snuck into my brain by the enemy and where I came out victorious, the way Jesus always does.
I arrived at Squad Debrief hesitant and a little fearful. Not fearful of my squad exactly but fearful that I would feel lost in our group of 54. We started our first night by sharing stories from our first month of ministry and let me tell you, the Lord used Q Squad is big ways this month. Teams were casting out demons, healing ailing limbs, and adding numbers to the Kingom of God. I was in awe as I say and heard these extraordinary acts my teammates were doing with God. As the room filled with joy, I began to doubt:
Was I doing enough? Did I really belong here? Am I doing the World Race correctly? Does God have a plan for me?
These questions sat in my gut like a brick as we moved into a time of worship together. Honestly, I was in no mood to worship but that may be exactly the time I need it the most. As different members of my squad got up to lead us; a guitar and a guitar case as drum, I just prayed to God that I felt Him in that moment. I needed to feel Him. I needed to have some sort of affirmation of His presence and my place in His presence. I needed the shackles I put around myself to be broken and removed. I needed Him.
I have never been physically bound before so I have no reference as to how it feels to be released from that, but that is exactly how I felt. It felt like a movie. The wind picked up and the rest of the world fell out and it was just me and God in that space. All of those questions I had seemed to melt away and all I could feel was an overwhelming:
Right here, is where I want you to be.
Right here among the noise of the city of Medellin. Right here among the other hostel guests who were taking photos of us and starring at the sight we were. Right here with God and my squad. Right here in this exact moment, I knew that God had always planned that this is where I would be. Right here.
All I had to do was open up to God and be honest with Him. He knew exactly how I was feeling yet He still wanted me to come to Him with my feelings. He wanted to rip them away from my heart and have me lay them down at the cross. So that’s what I did. My prayer walking away from that moment is that I remember that I already laid down those worries at the foot of the cross and I do not try and pick them up and carry them again. Jesus already answered those fears when He died on the cross for me. And you. All we have to do is lay them at His feet and He will bear that burden, we just have to let Him. And on a rooftop in Medellin, Colombia, I let Him.
